Kris Kobach wants to rescue Kansas (and America!) from its worst enemy: illegal immigrants 

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"Tomorrow, it'll be about 140 degrees in the tents," he brags. No one complains, but he fires off his stock response anyway. "Our men and women fighting, they're in tents," he says. "They never committed a crime. So quit complaining."

Finishing off his greatest hits, Arpaio ruminates on the famous pink boxers that he forces inmates to wear. "They hate pink," he explains. "Why would you put them in a color they like?" It's a neat transition to the evening's close, when Stigall will auction off another pair of those autographed boxers.

But first, with Kobach smiling behind him, Arpaio makes one final pitch for his young friend.

"He should be running for president," Arpaio says, as the crowd rises one last time. "But we'll take secretary of state."

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