Damn. You don't remember my name?
My name is Prince.
Prince? Ain't that a bitch?
I ain't like those other guys you hang around. I don't hang with the hat pack. I'm not your friend. I may not be your kind of man. Some people tell me I got great legs. And in the distance, six others will curse me. In this life, you're on your own. What's the hang-up? What's the scam? Nothing, but who's paying the bills? Why must we play this game?
Can you freak me dirty? Princely!
Now that I've got your attention, there's something I wanna mention. Are you listening, baby? Darlin', I know it's been a long time since you've been satisfied. All I can do is just offer you my love. All my emotional ejaculate on the floor. I can't help it, Martha. (She says it only gets in her hair.) Can you picture this? And I got to tell the world. I just can't keep it to myself.
If it break when it bend, you better not put it in. (Who ever said that elephants were stronger than mules?) Hopefully, that will not occur; the man upstairs has been paid. (You better get busy if you wanna get paid.) There must be something wrong with the machinery.
Some days, I feel blue. Some days, I just wanna black out. I feel like I'm looking for my soul. There's got to be a better life. Electric word, life. I'll gladly pee in anybody's cup. Maybe the morning will make me feel better. Race cars burn rubber in my pants. Yeah, you can always change your underwear. But my body will never be the same. Somebody please, please tell me what the hell is wrong. Can't they see what they're doing to me?
Detroit, what's happening?
I'm so lost. No one can find me. Take a look around; at least you got friends. Maybe I'm just too demanding. I don't want suggestions about my hair. Honey, do you know I let Robert cut my hair this morning?
You just gonna sit there and watch? I'll die before I'll let you tell me how to swim.
She's never satisfied. She's just a crazy, crazy, crazy, little, mixed-up dame.
Look here, Marsha, I ain't saying this just to be nasty. Every woman in the world ain't a freak. What's wrong with you? Smack! I'll slap your ass into the middle of next week. Bullshit!
My face is red. I stand corrected.
Damn, Delores, pick another subject, please.
Now bring it up and let me kick the facts. In goes the truth, and out goes the lie. Rules and regulations, no place in this nation. A government of love and music boundless in its unifying power. At the very core of things, I originate.
This is for politicians who are bored and believe in war. Long, hard, shiny rocket ships can fly you to the moon. Don't you blow up my world. We could all die any day. This is your conscience, motherfucker. That means U2. Inventors of the accu-jack. (Everybody can't be on top.) How'd they keep me under for so long? Don't go out like a jerk.
"He's gay" used to mean "he's happy." Nowadays, happy ain't allowed. Bambi, it's better with a man.
Tell me, baby, ain't that enough? What more do you want me to do? Bambi, can't you understand? Damn this kooky love affair. What is this strange relationship? Why can't we just dance? If we got married, would that be cool? I'll do anything I can just to give you happiness. And if you're evil, I'll forgive you by and by.
I knew a girl named Nikki. She picked up the phone, dropped it on the floor. I got a silly rapper talking silly shit instead. Tell me, do you like what you hear? I can almost taste the thoughts within your mind. It's time for a new direction. It's time for jazz to die. I've seen the top, and it's just a dream. Sex -- it's not that type of party. This one's for love without sex.
I'm in a butt-kickin' mood tonight, y'all. How can I stand to stay where I am? Watch me bank it, baby.
Everybody in this room has got an urge. Get in line! I don't serve ribs. Can I get some of that? And a side order of ham. Scrambled eggs are so boring. You never would have drank my coffee if I had never served you cream. Don't pick my apples. Don't pick my peaches. Leave my tree alone. I'm sorry, baby. That's the rules. Brother Maurice will be around in a minute with a bucket filled with squirrel meat. Serve it up, Frankie. If you're not hungry, I'll jack you off. Like a kemosabe bone ranger should. Pills and thrills and daffodils will kill. Licorice and goldenseal is all I ate. If you were here, I wouldn't masturbate.
What's it like inside your tambourine? I could never let another play with my toy.
Is the water warm enough? Hot!
Take a bath, hippies. Why don't you leave motherfuckers alone? You didn't have the decency to change the sheets. There ought to be a law against the hoochie. Is that where all your money goes? It's enough to make you want to lose your mind. Somebody call the police!
The former rules don't apply. I change the rules and do what I wanna do. Next time, I'll do it sooner. Looking back, y'all, I don't miss nothing except the Time. It's time to fix your clock.
It's late, and I'm running out of clever things to say. And all good things, they say, can't last. You don't need no money; you don't need no clothes. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does, too. Before the night is through, you will see my point of view. Thank you for flying Prince International. But I'm a tad more interested in flying your kite tonight. -- as told to Scott Wilson