I am very glad to see Nelson Hopkins speaking out against violence. I am very sorry that he lost his son. I had a 15-year-old daughter, named Tawnya Knight, who was raped and murdered in Spring Hill, Kansas, back in December 1996. Until this day, no arrest has been made. I know the pain and anger this father is going through, and I wish him all the best in his crusade. Something needs to be done to make our neighborhoods safer and people aware of their surroundings and the dangers.
Camp Verde, Arizona
I would like to publicly thank my brethren and sistren in Topeka, Kansas (collectively, "Big Brother"), for moving swiftly to end the scourge of K2 use. Absent their wondrous wisdom, overarching omniscience and protective paternalism filling in for my pathetic judgment as an ordinary American citizen living in Kansas, I most surely would be pursuing my God-given instinct to suppositize K2 on a daily basis. Were it not for the foresight of their fellow-traveling Sieg-Heilers, I would, doubtless, be a thieving crack whore, mainlining marijuana and inhaling sour mash at every opportunity. I hope they invite me to the Tea Party to celebrate this glorious victory, which forever closes the gaping loophole in the law that permits people to relieve pain without rendering unto Pfizer, Seagram's, et al., their just due, and ends the heartbreak and misery typically associated with enjoying life. Thank God for Big Government!
Q. What's the matter with Kansas?
A. What isn't?
Editor's Note: After our March 4 edition hit the streets, we learned that the rambling but oddly literary letter from Alan Manker of Kansas City, Missouri, in response to our February Sex Edition, had not been written entirely by Manker. (We titled his letter "What He Said.") Most of his letter was, in fact, a passage from Tom Robbins' Still Life With Woodpecker. Figuring that Manker might have enjoyed pulling a prank on us, we called to ask him about it. "To be honest with you, I don't know where it came from," he said of the passage. "I've had it for about two years, in a little note, but I didn't know where it was from. I was just having fun with it." He apologized for causing any trouble.
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