Hey, you, pretentious employee of Local Burger. You and I probably share a lot of the same views on environmentalism, sustainable agriculture and the merits of eating organic. But the way you treated my party the other day will make me think twice about returning to your establishment. I'm sure we looked like total yokels as we stared, dumbfounded, at the menu board behind you. Sorry that, like most Midwesterners, we're still not used to seeing elk and buffalo as burger options, let alone the phrase "progressive potatoes" substituted for French fries. But you really didn't have to give my boyfriend a sarcastic punctuation lesson when he asked you to repeat the hot dog choices ("Beef, COMMA, buffalo, COMMA, pork"). It's hard enough to convince someone who prefers Wendy's to home-cooked meals to try organic anything without self-righteous snoots behind the counter.
Send anonymous confessions, congratulations or accusations to email@example.com.