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But she found less peace at Quaker meetings, which had become a nexus for activists from numerous anti-war groups. At the meetings, members sat in silence until they were moved to speak about any pressing issue.
"Somebody would make a comment, and she would feel morally outraged about it and stand up and say, 'I want to make it clear. There's another point of view of this,'" says fellow Quaker Don McClain. "I felt she was taking advantage of the process."
Others remember her using the forum to stump. "At that time, she was out of sync with nearly everyone at the meeting," one member says.
After her son was born, MacNair strapped him to her chest and resumed protesting, this time at the Planned Parenthood clinic at 45th Street and Troost. The clinic was known nationally as a flash point, recalls Peter Brownlie, the current CEO of Planned Parenthood in Overland Park, who at the time was managing a Planned Parenthood in Texas.
The organization put up a wrought-iron fence to keep the swell at bay, and patients were ushered inside by volunteer chaperones, at least one of whom was a member of MacNair's Quaker group. Bullhorns blared, and neighbors complained about the near-constant ruckus. Threatened by a Missouri law that would deny state funding to family-planning centers that performed abortions, Planned Parenthood officials moved the Troost surgical center to Overland Park.
MacNair knew that protesting abortion was different from protesting war. Because the act of "violence" was initiated by women themselves, not by an enemy, showing pictures of bloody fetuses risked alienating her audience. So MacNair carried a sign with a generic message: "Abortion Hurts Women." Whereas her Vietnam-era pamphlets had illustrated the atrocities of Hiroshima, her leaflets now focused on the positives of keeping a child and included pictures of healthy babies.
"We felt women who were getting abortions were being cheated," she says. Abortion, she says, is a method of "discriminating against unborn children by treating them as if they aren't even human." It helps classify women as "reusable sex objects," she says, and encourages irresponsible men.
As MacNair's attachment to anti-war and anti-abortion protest groups proliferated, her boundaries among friendships, religion and political statements blurred.
"I don't really think she fit in," says Lynn Cheatum, a member of PeaceWorks who has worked with the War Resisters League, the American Friends Service Committee and the Kansas City Interfaith Peace Alliance, which MacNair also helped organize. "I'm not knocking her. I'm just saying I don't really think she fit in."
MacNair says the tension at Quaker meetings was palpable. "I got guff being pro-life. I got guff in a way that startled me. I got guff in a way that startled other Quakers ... I was really taken aback, because these were peace people, especially the Quakers, who prided themselves on being open-minded, and I called them on it," she says. "I felt intimidated."
In 1996, she retreated to UMKC as a Ph.D. candidate. She hoped to find academic proof of her belief that abortion was violence toward women.
"I wasn't going to be a pacifist. I was going to be a scientist," she says. MacNair knows the numbers -- the month-by-month increase in soldiers' deaths, the unexpectedly high U.S. casualty rate since Iraq gained sovereignty. And she knows that most of the fighting is close-quarters combat, with battles pitched on street corners.
The Army trains its soldiers to dehumanize their enemies. In the "Combat Training With Pistols" section of Army Field Manual FM 23-35, war-zone shooting is called "target engagement." The current Field Manual 22-51: Leader's Manual for Combat Stress Control and the VA's Iraq War Clinician Guide, released this past June to address the psychological impact of killing in error, list coping techniques for soldiers troubled by killing civilians or other Americans. But the Army's textbook War Psychology doesn't list killing the enemy on its list of 20 "Combat Stress Factors," which include fatigue, fear of death, maiming and loss of fellow soldiers. Dated February 6, 2004, the Clinicians Guide PTSD test asks only one four-part question: