Friday, May 14
With summer approaching and the end of the lacy, lingerie-inspired clothing trend nowhere in sight, Tanya Blasucci's artistic endeavor couldn't be more timely. Between Herself and Others, a "runway presentation of delicate garments," begins at 4:45 p.m. at the Kansas City, Kansas, Central Library (14 West Tenth Street, 913-909-4727). This isn't like that trashy Vicki's Secret runway presentation of delicate garments on television. Blasucci's respectable collection consists of thirty pieces, all created from hand-dyed silks, cottons, machine knits, and woven and found fabrics, decorated with intense stitch work and the drawing and watercolor techniques she learned at the Kansas City Art Institute. She graduates this month with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in fiber.
Saturday, May 15 The first-ever burlesque-car-wash-and-parking-lot yard sale is today at El Torreon (3101 Gillham Plaza). God ... why didn't we think of that? Let the Rushin' Roulettes Burlesque Crew scrub your ride in the north lot while you browse for dirt-cheap secondhand treasures in the east lot. Then go throw some mud on your car or park underneath some pigeons and do it all over again. The yard sale starts at 7 a.m., the car wash three hours later. Added bonus: voter registration. The proceeds go to Beauty Slays the Beast, a street festival slated for June 27 at Davey's Uptown Ramblers Club that benefits Moveon.org. It seems like a lot of shifting currency, but they're all legit organizations looking to oust Bush, so you get the connection. Call 816-360-6822 for more information, or see Beautyslaysthebeast.org.
Sunday, May 16
The formula for TV's Cops is getting really stale. How many more times can a camera crew follow a Kansas City, Kansas, cop onto some drunk dude's porch? It was funny at first, waiting to see how many vials of crack the perp had crammed in his shoe or safety-pinned to the inside of his shirt. We learned a lot: Police are quite possibly the most condescending people on Earth, and crime doesn't pay. Roger that. Now let's follow the boring cops around. Wouldn't it be satisfying as hell to see some irate car owner bitch out a meter maid? Or to watch in glee as a guy with no leash on his dog flees the park to avoid a ticket? "Is that your dog, sir? Sir? Sir!" As much as we'd like to see it, though, the law-abiding folks in the Kansas City Outdoor Club won't be appearing on any such show when they take their canine companions to Loose Park (52nd Street and Wornall Road). Leashes in hand, the outdoorsy dog owners meet up at 1 p.m. by the tennis courts. For details, call Booger (yeah, that's right: Booger) at 913-722-5741.
Monday, May 17
Back in high school, all we wanted to do was haul ass in our old cars with our new licenses. Nothing pissed us off more than getting stuck behind an old lady on a two-lane road with double-yellow lines. We never got to pass that grandma, but we did draft a proposal to rid the streets of senior drivers for our Youth in Government project. Then that one uptight advisor wouldn't let us submit our bill to the fake congress. The overly pragmatic jerk said that senior citizens were a big block of the population and we needed their votes. We'll hate that damned advisor for eternity. It was fake! Let the kids pretend! Years later, we're happy to see that somebody else feels our pain. The University of Missouri Extension and the American Society on Aging present Addressing Older Adults' Driving. Unlike us, though, they're more concerned with safety and with providing ways for families to help older citizens than with hauling balls. We admire that. The free workshop starts at 7 p.m. at St. Mark's Catholic Church (3736 Lee's Summit Road in Independence). To register, call 816-373-2600.
Tuesday, May 18
Parody is the ultimate compliment. Gerard Alessandrini's Forbidden Broadway pays homage to the world of theater by shredding the classics with rapid-fire spoofs. This version of the show spotlights a new satire of Mel Brooks' seemingly unsatirizable The Producers. Many other Broadway shows also get sent up, from Aida to Thoroughly Modern Millie, so anyone planning to attend the 8 p.m. show at Union Station (30 West Pershing Road) might want to brush up on theater history. Tickets cost $25-$30. For details, call 816-460-2020.
Wednesday, May 19
We have a confession. We know we aren't supposed to lust after oily, gun-toting mobsters. But we think they're hot. We know the old-time Mafia guys would have made us miserable, but Diane Keaton looked so fabulous when she was miserable. And Sofia Coppola couldn't keep her hands off Andy Garcia, even in those terrible outfits -- and come on, they were cousins. We obviously aren't alone here. So we're definitely checking out the Gangster Tour at 12:45 p.m. today, departing from Redemptorist Social Services Center (207 West Linwood). The tour hits, so to speak, all the hot spots and hide-outs of local boys during the Pendergast era. A ticket costs $18, and reservations are required; call 816-931-9942.