Got any insider tips on how to keep my heating bills low?
Yeah, because I heard heating bills were going up 50 percent. Put that plastic stuff up on your windows. I've never done it, but people do it. Just keep your windows and doors shut. Keep your filter in your furnace, change it, you know what I'm saying. Get a space heater, but be careful, because they can be hazardous. Keep the heat on auto so it clicks on and off instead of on.
And get you a big boss to keep you warm. Mine's a little one, but he keeps me warm.
I blew my friend's secret. Will she ever be able to trust me again?
She can't trust you, because in a friendship that's the definition of a secret: not to be told. You only get one chance to cross the Boss Bitch. Once I know you're lettin' my business out in the world, I'll still be your friend, but certain things I'll know I just can't tell you, you know? So she'll know what type of friend you are. She'll know that she can't tell you certain things!
With the Boss Bitch, there's no excuses, there's no such thing as an accident. You got a secret, it's supposed to be kept secret. It goes back to "speak no evil." I feel you, though.
Got a question only Priceless can answer? E-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Over and Out
Computer-savvy pedophiles can now breathe a sigh of relief. Steve Chamraz, KCTV Channel 5's resident pervert-buster, has signed off KC's airwaves.
Chamraz, who made a name for himself with the station's Internet-predator sting back in February 2004, will now ply his investigative skills at KMOV, the CBS affiliate in St. Louis. It's a bittersweet departure, as far as we're concerned; the Pitch once called him a "wanker" for his controversial tactics during the perv sting and other sweeps-month busts (Kansas City Strip, July 1, 2004), though we also deemed him the "Best Crushworthy Local Celebrity (Male)" in our 2003 Best Of Kansas City issue. So, when it was time to give him a proper sendoff, a Pitch operative was on hand to partake in the festivities.
The party went down on a recent Saturday night, when Shammie presided over a merry crew of TV folks at Governor Stumpy's Grillhouse in Waldo. They were playing their own version of Sardines, with about 20 people crammed into a 4-foot-wide bar area. Seeing a number of TV personalities at such close range was a bit surreal.
Dave Helling tried to lead the crowd in a sing-along of "Happy Trails to You," but that petered out quickly. Michael Scott sat at the bar, planning to go dancing at the Levee afterward. And Surae Chinn had lost the helmet hair and looked to be all dolled up for a night on the town.
Weirdly, the bar announced last call just after 11 p.m. News flash: We were still sober!
The best part of the night, though, was learning one of the industry's favorite potential pickup lines: "This just in: my dick."
Several employees of Leawood's public works department earned weeklong unpaid suspensions for their tasteless office pool, in which they tried to guess how many homicides Kansas City, Missouri, would rack up by the end of the year. (The pots planner and a supervisor each got two unpaid weeks off.) Leawood officials might have spent the past week apologizing for their employees' idea, but we think they got robbed! Admit it: The whole metro's wondering just how bad it's really going to get, so why not defuse a scary situation with a bit of gambling? Guess we'll have to finish the job for them. Fill out this entry form with your gruesome guess by December 1, and we'll reward your asses accordingly.