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"Who was the candidate the city was waiting for?" Craig continues. "George Brett? Len Dawson? I mean, I'm trying to figure out -- who could have gotten into this thing and you'd go, 'Thank God he jumped in to save Kansas City?'"
Stan: "Wait a minute -- how about Jim Glover?" (Laughter. Applause.)
As Craig observes, "There's nobody from John F. Kennedy to Abe Lincoln that you [couldn't write something bad about]. But what are the good things? And what can they do? With my dad's charisma? He's a flashy guy. It's like sports or entertainment. This guy can be the straw that stirs the drink that gets this city fired up again with his presence."
Yes, it would be entertaining if Stan were mayor.
There are just a few things I worry about. I worry about Stan getting on the phone with, say, Condoleezza Rice, and calling her darlin'. I worry about just exactly how he's going to save a city whose biggest problem, dull as it may be, is a billion-dollar backlog of infrastructure fixes.
I want specifics, but Stan doesn't have them. "First of all, I've got to get into City Hall," he says. "It's like asking me, 'If that car stalls, how are you going to fix that car?' I've got to open the hood and look inside to see what's wrong." But he says he'd rely heavily on the wisdom of City Auditor Mark Funkhouser.
Clearly, Glazer understands that Funkhouser is a god to the city's most pissed-off neighborhood agitators -- several of whom are sitting in a conference room at Glazer headquarters right this minute. And they've obviously coached Glazer in the current anti-Barnes lingo.
"I'm interested in the taxpayer, the little guy that's been pottied on now for God knows how long," he says.
For example, there's Barnes' proposal for a new $200 million arena, which Glazer hates.
"I got 31 schools in Kansas City that are not air-conditioned," he says. "When I see that they want to build a new arena, when I see this mayor who has no regard -- can I use profanity? -- she's bullshit.... She spent $296,189 [on her campaign]. To this date, I spent $19,000 ... I watch every dime. I'm a businessman that's been through some tough times. I've made it, and I've lost it, but I know what a dollar is. This lady's spending it. It isn't her money! And that's how she's running City Hall. Take home a free car. Buy a cell phone. Two bodyguards. These are the things that go through me like a hot knife through butter."
There's the issue of Barnes' corporate supporters. "Why can't [tax breaks] be directed to small businesses? I don't care about Kansas City Southern or DST. I really don't. They're multibillion. And this is who this lady cares about. These are the people who put her in office," he says, listing all of the development attorneys on Barnes' campaign-finance reports.
But there's something schizo to Glazer's spiel. When you ask him specifically how he's going to bring more jobs to Kansas City, Glazer mentions a few big spenders, too. "If I found a Ted Turner or a Donald Trump, for example.... If I could get Mike Ovitz, who we talked to -- he's a multibillionaire -- to come to Kansas City and open up an NBA team, I'd say, 'Hey, Mike, you want to come to Kansas City and build a new arena? We'll give you a few bucks.' He would do it." (Glazer might want to watch his name dropping, though; if former superagent Ovitz ever buys a sports team in Kansas City, it will probably be because he's been run out of Hollywood.)