Wars Wars 

Since 2002, Banzai Magazine founder Jim Kilroy has kept the battle-of-the-bands tradition alive and disturbingly ubiquitous with Club Wars. In 2005, Cover Wars marked the first in a line of spinoffs that bred contests such as Punk Wars, Country Wars and Alt Wars. (See www.clubwars.net for the fall schedule.) He already beat us to Funk Wars, but here are some wars we hope to hear in the near future. •Klezmer Wars

•Lute Wars XVIII

•Sea Shanty Wars

•Quiet-Hyphy-Storm Wars

•Minstrel Show Wars

•Ambient Canuxploitation Darkwave Wars

•Clown-Snuffing Tex-Mex Nerdcore Wars

•Stuck-in-a-K-Hole Crunktronica Wars

•Intelligent Baroquefunk Butt Rock Wars

•Anarcho-Contempo-Afro-Ju-Jude-the-Obscure-o Spougeabilly Metal Wars

•Our Bassist May Have a Healthy Meth Addiction and If He Does It'd Ultimately Be the Undoing of Our Band and That'd Be a Real Shame Since We Got Such a Warm Reception Last Week at Our Gig at that Bowling Alley by the Chinese Place in Harrisonville Wars

•The Reason Why I Play Appalachian Worksongs Isn't to Get Pussy Like the Rest of These Guys but Rather to Fulfill My Dead Grandfather's Dream of Being a Well-Respected Artist Which He Never Lived to Do Because He Died of an Untreatable Strain of Syphilis He Got From Some Hooker in Korea Wars

•I Rock! Wars

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