It was a dream of mine for the Crossroads Music Festival to pull one or two national headliners this year, and that dream has come true. It's in the form of Eleni Mandell, however, and I have no idea how big a draw she'll get locally. She's played here a lot. The cozy ballads that make up her latest, Miracle of Five, wouldn't exactly light up an outdoor festival, but maybe she kicks out the jams or is otherwise compelling onstage. I don't know ... I'll shut up. More after the jump.
A Brief Conversation at Pitch HQ:
From: Jason Harper, music editor
To: Chris Packham, assistant calendar editor
Subject: I have a plan!
>>> 4/26/2007 2:07 PM >>>
Marry Norah Jones.
Shouldn't be too difficult to manage.
>>> Chris Packham 4/26/2007 2:13 PM >>>
Wait, what problem does this solve, exactly? Your lack of subdued jazz songs performed without enthusiasm? By the admittedly cute daughter of Ravi Shankar?
Narrator: Does Harper stand a chance!? No! But you should still FOLLOW THAT LINK!
Come away with me, Geethali.
In the same week that Missouri native Sheryl Crow was suggesting that American consumers reduce their toilet paper consumption to one square per bowel movement, a little pinch of Kansas City’s rectal history was listed for sale on eBay. A seller used the online auction site to sell a “vintage physician’s sample tin” that once contained rectal cones (active ingredients: tannic acid, hydroxyquinoline, menthol and benzocaine) prepared by the staff of the long-forgotten Thornton & Minor Hospital. The empty, pocket-sized blue-and-white tin –- no vintage cones remained -- sold for $9.75, a modest price for a relic of the days when Kansas City was literally flush with clinics for rectal and colonic diseases.
[image-2]It came over the wires today that the Chiefs are sending Dante Hall to the STL Rams in exchange for a fifth-round pick in this weekend’s draft, to which I say, “Why are you trying to tear my baby boy away from me?!?”
Ladies, you can have the big and strapping Tony Gonzales. With all due respect, he just doesn’t do it for me like Dante does.
I auditioned for Deal or No Deal yesterday. Six hours of standing in line got me 20 seconds in front of a casting director, two sore feet and an empty stomach (I skipped lunch).
The sad truth is, I really wanted on the game show. Seriously. Before I even knew about the audition, I put “aspiring Deal or No Deal contestant” on my MySpace page. Yes, I am lame.
For months I’d been running my mouth, talking about how much ass I would kick if I went on the show. There’s no skill to the game whatsoever. It’s totally about guessing. Anybody can do it, so why not me?
Then I saw a sign the other night. An omen, if you will. While jogging, I saw the Deal or No Deal tour bus parked outside the Marriott two blocks away from my apartment in downtown.
This was my destiny.
Local singer-songwriter Barclay Martin is best known around town as the dude who sounds like James Taylor and looks like Orlando Bloom with a tan. He's played places like PotPie and Bar Natasha, and last night I caught him at JP Wine Bar and Coffee House. This time with a full band.
Erin McGrane and Barclay Martin shake their respective groove things. Photo: Brian Collins
Over email the past week, he'd implored me to help him recast his image from gentle, bluegrassy fokie to, well, here's what he said by e-mail:
I started as a solo acoustic act a few years ago, but the project has evolved into something that can barely be described as singer/songwriter folk. I'm playing with insanely good jazz players in a variety of styles, high-energy, all original songs....etc.
The thing is, people still think that when they see my name out, I'm going to just stand there for two hours and play folk songs until they're catatonic.
Kansas City doesn't like that kind of thing.
Did you know that the state of Kansas has a “no nit” policy? The press release below, from the Johnson County Health Department, informs us that cases of head lice have been reported in schools around the country. No word yet on whether frogs are falling from the ceilings and blood is running from the water fountains.
I wasn't going to post about this, but I just heard a coworker complaining about how that every time she goes to the bathroom now, she thinks about Sheryl Crow and gets pissed off, and then Sheryl Crow songs start playing in her head and she gets even more pissed off. So evidently the news about Crow calling for a drastic reduction in individuals' use of loo paper is still hot as a steamin' pile of doodie.
Sheryl Crow: still quite attractive...until you contemplate her overly conservative use of toilet paper.
As if the idea of using only one square of paper per No. 2 session weren't mad enough, this idea really takes the batshit pie:
Crow has also commented on her website about how she thinks paper napkins "represent the height of wastefulness".
She has designed a clothing line with what she calls a "dining sleeve".
The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve" after the diner has used it to wipe his or her mouth.
Then again, to her credit, Crow is the first to speak out against one contributor to Global Warming that doesn't get much attention in the media: the wiping of orifices.
Also worth reading: Crow and Laurie David (Larry's wife) get into a tiff with Karl Rove.
From the KCTV site:
Officers Felt They Were in Danger
OLATHE, Kan. - Police said they felt their lives were in danger when they shot a woman yielding a knife.
Those two officers were on paid administrative leave while an investigation was done into the incident. Officials said that is standard procedure when a firearm is discharged.
Shooting a knife-yielding woman instead of a knife-wielding woman would be grounds for even more serious inquiry.
Rumor has it she either got food poisoning from eating the knock off Waffle Taco…
Since when is the flu treated with antibiotics? Judging by the way she sticks her…
FUCK ALL CHORENCIAS PUTAS MUERANSE FUCKIN FAKE ASS LAMES UR ALL A BUNCH A PUSSYS..…
Turn it back into a Smileys driving range.