By CHRIS PACKHAM
KC Blaze isn't a basketball team. The Sprint Center finally got a tenant this morning: a fire that broke out in a seventh-floor utility room.
They also used to teach cow husbandry: Thieves stole a mounted cougar from a trophy case at Hickman Mills High School.
According to KMBC Channel 9, it was stuffed and mounted by students in 1979, back when taxidermy was still taught in school. In an era when schools can barely afford music teachers, that's the kind of detail that jumps out and smacks your face in its nuts — they were teaching kids how to mount a trophy carcass back when Jimmy Carter was the president. Basically, we pretty much have to blame Ronald Reagan for the fact that American schoolchildren are getting lapped in taxidermy by up-and-coming India.I would also work barefoot in City Hall: A $50 million-$70 million shortfall in the city budget means that the Kansas City Zoo may have to close its doors. The situation is apparently so serious that zoo officials met with Mayor Mark Funkhouser to discuss whether the city would make good on its contract with the zoo, which may not actually require the city to pay the $4.6 million the zoo thought it would be receiving. If I were the mayor, I'd practice my steely-eyed look in the mirror while saying, "NOT ON MY WATCH!" in my best gravelly Harrison Ford voice. And then I'd cut the zoo a check for $4.6 million out of the school district's budget. Because, y'know, on the one hand, you've got kids, and then over here, monkeys. VOTE FOR CHRIS!
BIG 12 NO PARKING WHOOO! The Big 12 women's tournament has sold only about 5,000 of 9,000 available tickets. But! That's still a local record for women's tournament ticket sales. But! The city expects to sell up to 3,000 walk-up tickets. The women's games are at Municipal Auditorium, just FYI. And it's not like you can still get into the men's games. And in case you were worried about it, I totally do not think it's even a little bit gay that you'd rather go to the men's games than the women's games.
Add it to the list of things you can do: Finally, I can go to iTunes and legally purchase a digital file of "Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite." That's assuming some unfathomable situation arises when I need to do that. You never know! I could also wind up winning a solid gold accordion in a contest — it isn't completely impossible.
Get it under control: Ultimately, when the dust settles on the wreckage of his career, I think Eliot Spitzer might regret this gubernatorial facial expression more than anything else:
WHOOPS! Your face forgot its talking points! This is what happens when your face works without a teleprompter.
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Building a Mosque at Ground Zero must be the retard notion within the history of man, I most certainly sense that it's intentionally purposely designed, at very best, to insight conflict. I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist although this is certainly either shameful or noxious, quite likely both equally. winnie
I just signed up to your news feed after reading this piece! Would you write more on this subject in future posts?
"And in case you were worried about it, I totally do not think it's even a little bit gay that you'd rather go to the men's games than the women's games."
uh, lucky girl, it sounds like he's making fun of guys who worry that other guys think they're gay and not gayness itself. Other than homophobe men, the only group his joke is at the expense of is people not so good at reading for comprehension.
LuckyGirl -
Chris will be the one in the pussy low cut women's sports socks: the THINKS,/b> they're manly.
heh heh heh.
p.s. - i ADORE (no tkc) the look on Spitzer's wife's mug. you know, the one that says, "hmmm, now that the douch bag's career is toast, i wonder how long it will take MY lawyer to clean him out?"
Chris- I appreciate your attempt to support women's sports but not at the expense of another group - gays. Some of the coolest people I know are gay, lesbian and trans. And I'd love to check out your sharply-defined abs and luxuriously thick mane. I'll be at the KU game tonight behind the bench. In a hot pink KU shirt and long blonde tresses . . .
Lucky Girl --
I was really trying to comment on the lack of support for women's sports by male fans. W/R/T your comment that I'm "really no different than the other media types [I] criticize for over-hyping stuff to get viewers and readers," I'm not sure who you're comparing me to, so I'll assume it's Mike Hendricks. In which case, I can only refer you to my sharply-defined abdominal muscles and luxuriously thick mane of hair.
Sorry and stuff for my disappointing lapse into something-something.
Chris
Something tells me the excess of Goose-doo found in Swope Park can not only be collected and sold for some purpose to alleviate the shortage of city funds towards the park. It is probably not far off from being enough to fill the MoDoT budget to the standard of either Alaska or Texas' DoTs. Knowing Kansas City though, City Hall will implement a "Swope Park Rehabilitation" proposal, bringing in HOK to create Lofts, an Entertainment district, and a sporting center out of existing Goose-doo heaps.
Shut up, Lucky Girl.
Back to the zoo closing: maybe they can use the leftover animals to stuff in some of those potholes?
Chris, WTF does any of this have to do with being or not being gay?
You're really no different than the other media types you criticize for over-hyping stuff to get viewers and readers. What a stupid comment, from a usually insightful writer.
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