By CHRIS PACKHAM
But where did he poop for two years? Look, it's been covered everywhere, but if I don't mention the unnamed Wichita woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years, it would be like pretending it never happened.
And for the sake of unborn generations, we need to make sure that it never happens again. So now I'm trying to figure out the layers of denial the guy had to be living with. Ask yourself: What is the minimum amount of time your girlfriend has to sit on the toilet before you call the paramedics? Because a single sitting starts to get weird around the one-hour mark, if you ask me. Not "Call 911" weird, but still. Let's be generous and say that if you haven't called the paramedics by hour 12, you deserve to pee in the sink for the duration.Batty Old Racist Not a Republican: It's true! A real rarity, like a two-headed albino squirrel. If I understood what the phrase meant, I'd say that Geraldine Ferraro is the "exception that proves the rule." Sing it loud and proud, sister. Belligerent, outspoken racism is easier to spot than the silent-but-deadly racism of entertainment district dress codes.
Speaking of which: For the duration of the Big 12, the Lucky Strike Bar and Bowling Alley will relax its borderline-racist dress code. Through the weekend, there will be no need to dress like Alan Thicke. Starting Monday, all men will once again be required to dress like Dr. Jason Siever. Women may dress like Maggie Malone-Seaver or, alternatively, like pretty-boy evangelical Kirk Cameron.
Who knew? Your mom. Your mom knew. I absolutely can't believe this show still exists. It would be like all-of-a-sudden finding out that Keir Dullea from 2001: A Space Odyssey is still alive. WHAT?
So, OK. There's still a show called E.R. I assume the olds are watching it, like they still watch Good Morning, America and Saturday Night Live. It's like a magic wardrobe leading to a whole separate geriatric culture. OPEN THE CRACKER BARREL DOOR, PLEASE, HAL.
Self-indulgent TV post #2: Every time I turn on the Food Network, there's a disturbing fish-eye supercloseup of Alton Brown's head. EVERY TIME. It's the Alton Brown's Giant Head In Your Face Network. Freaky closeup zooms are part of the dynamic visual style they use to make cooking shows interesting, but the least appetizing thing I can think of is the Alton Brown's enormous pork roast of a head. What the fuck, Food Network? I ask you. What, exactly, the fuck?
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"will relax its borderline-racist dress code"
Because only black people wear baseball hats, AMIRIGHT?
Mister... aaaaaPackaged Ham-sama!
Respectfully to suggest that woman on toilet seat at exactly right height...well, maybe have to rest elbows on thighs, just like this, see, so that male may, well, either come or go, yes?
Then only thing left is number 2 and that's why Mistress have, yes?
Somrime you Americans have no imaginary, no?
Yeah, yeah -- my friends are saying I didn't take a crap for two years 'cause I'm full of shit. But the real story is this, I peed in the sink or at the nearest 7-11 and if I needed to take a crap while I was at home, I shat into a Hefty bag and tossed it in the trash. I mean, come on, get real. If you want other creative ways to get rid of shit, ask Nadia Pflaum. She knows.
I don't think that Ferraro's comment was racist. She said herself that she wouldn't have been Mondale's running mate if she hadn't been female-- does that make her sexist??
Come on, one of the things I've always liked about Obama is that he's multiracial, that his father was from Africa, etc. I freely admit I might not like him as much if he was your average white guy from Hawaii who went to Columbia and later went to Harvard Law. There wouldn't be anything as interesting about him. It's not the only reason, but it's one of the reasons he does so well. There's nothing wrong with that. The bad thing would be if he was kept back because of his race (which many people have been).
A lot of people are voting for Hillary because she's a woman, is that news to anyone?
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