BY DAVID MARTIN
How to succeed in business without really succeeding. Failed telecom executive-turned-university president Gary Forsee will for the rest of his life as part of the pension agreement he negotiated when he took the reins at Sprint. That's pretty sweet action for a CEO who ran a business that that shed customers and entered into a clumsy merger. Now that he's been put in charge of higher education in Missouri, perhaps Forsee will share his acumen with business students. Possible course topics include "Verizon? Should Have Called It Stupidizon," "Only Jerks Use T-Mobile" and "Yes, a Nice Full Head of Hair Does Make an Mediocrity Seem More Resourceful and Dynamic." make $84,325 a month
Murder, mayhem and Marmaduke. A judge convicted Terry Blair of killing six women dumping their bodies along the Prospect Avenue corridor. In related news, a decapitated dog was found in midtown. As anyone with a passing interest in crime drama knows, serial killers tend to use animals as practice for the later horrors they will inflict on humanity. In addition to damaged pets, residents are encouraged to be on the lookout for overfed clowns, acne-scarred men with "born to raise hell" tattoos and suicide crisis-line volunteers who bear a resemblance to Mark Harmon.
The kaiser isn’t happy
Ah, spring. The time a sports fan’s thoughts turn to bench-press repetitions, 40-yard dash times and Mel Kiper Jr.'s fabulous hair. The 2008 NFL Draft is less than a monthaway. ESPN cameras recently captured prized defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey running, lifting and engaging cauliflower-eared Chiefs assistant coach Tim Krumrie in close combat. The Matrix-style showdown between the former Tiger and former Bengal takes place about halfway through the clip. Hiya!