By CHRIS PACKHAM
Take Your Daughter to Stupid Day Laura Bush is coming to Kansas City with daughter Jenna on a mother-daughter book tour project next week. You guys, they're totally going to love the Power and Light district, because you know why? Because moms love the Power and Light District. Your mom says it's "fancy." The two Bushes co-authored a children's book called Read All About It! which stresses the importance of reading. Executive summary for this whole paragraph: Given a publishing deal, the only subject Jenna and Laura Bush could think of for a book is reading books. That's like deciding to put out a magazine of trucker porn in which you only publish pictures of truckers masturbating. Filthy analogy copyright 2008 by Chris Packham, all rights reserved.
Happy Fun Time Lazy Wednesday Audio Hipster Link: How To Speak Hip.
Also, what's the deal with those Jews? On Sunday's Hardball, Chris Matthews -- apparently incapable of storing, retaining, and subsequently retrieving memories or demonstrating applied learning from past mistakes -- said, "You know, Michelle -- and this gets very ethnic, but the fact that [Barack Obama is] good at basketball doesn't surprise anybody, but the fact that he's that terrible at bowling does make you wonder."
Seriously? Does Matthews even know that he's totally Mr. Drummond's racist mom?
And with her fur hat on, her head is almost as gigantic as his! I mean, physically large. The man has a very large cranial circumference, for hauling around his jumbo-size load of bigotry.
Dude, there's your girlfriend: Eeeeew. I really didn't need to see this.
She's training for an amateur boxing match. She floats like a butterfly and stings like a high-impulse thermobaric incendiary explosive detonated over an Iraqi grade school. In the ring, they call her "the Mushroom Cloud." HAHAHAHA! It's funny because it's true! Specifically, it's true that "Slugger" Rice is directly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians which is what she's gonna whip out and measure when anyone thinks their dick is bigger.
And that's totally your girlfriend.
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Hey, all of you white single skanks...ah,women: why turn on the tube to watch old matrons in an over-priced, over-rated squalor of a city when you could be squired(NO HOMO) about a nice town(KC's West Side)on the arm of a responsible, mature and distinguished man-about town?
Call me.
Wow!
Like, i never realized before that Condi has this itty bitty little 10 year old boy chest. It's a lot like her foreign policy deftness, huh?
Wonder what George sees in her?
Think she could give Sally lessons?
I'm jes' sayin'
Hey, Chris!
I'm back; got any hair left at all on your nutsack? 'Cause I don't like leaving a job half done!
Oh, and forget those lame commenters - if they possessed half an ounce of humor [not to mention a sense of community and public spirit] they would comment on the other...er, "blurbs" and "news" items that run in this space to make them...
Okay - not funny, per se, but perhaps readers might suddenly think of the items as 'ironic' or...what's the word I'm looking for here? Damn, this happens to me all the time. I assume it's the total nutsack hair ingestion thang my Doctor warned me about...oh oh oh! Relevant! That's it - relevant.
Take the 'reality' show item about some housewives in New York. I can't see the relevance of that, what with spending the majority of my time on my knees in locker rooms bobbing up and down on rank, steroid laden second or third rate jocks (pick any team in town) and the rest of my time gargling and then reporting on what little tidbit of insider information that also got ejaculated: how am I supposed to relate to a show like that?
But, if the jealous commenters could, you know, like in a leading way point out why a single, female Kansas Citian working for 30 grand or less with very few dating much less marriage prospects might find such a program intriguing...hey! It couldn't hurt, right?
Sally
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