By CHRIS RASMUSSEN
Dear Brett,
This is difficult for me.
I don’t want to see you anymore.
Like most beautiful people used to having their asses kissed, it has warped you. The constant praise you receive from others has made you a narcissist, and it isn’t quite as cute now that you’ve aged.
Yes, you used to be so beautiful to watch. Not anymore.
The fact is, now you’re just another old, vain star way past their prime: the Norma Desmond of Wisconsin. You haven’t noticed – there are publicists and announcers who are overeager to describe every movement you make as if it were spectacular.
I’m tired of you stringing people along with your indecisiveness.
You are incapable of making a simple decision and it is frustrating to make plans knowing that you might change things on a whim. The world doesn't revolve around you, despite what you hear from those who wear the diary food group on their head during winter. If you’re thinking about coming to KC (and I suspect you aren’t, because you are used to a flashier backdrop than we can supply), rest assured: we already have one vain diva in the backfield.
Yes, it is exciting to see an old star on the field, until they turn into Willie Mays stumbling in center field, Ali fighting Holmes or Joe Namath in a Rams uniform. Boxers always go on too long, waiting for one last title shot. Like them, you too might embarrass yourself at the end, with as much risk of head trauma. You might think Joe Buck or Al Michaels, eager to fellate you with their praise, will broadcast your last game. The fact is, if you choose unwisely and arrogantly, your last game is a match-up between two 4-12 teams broadcast by Gus Johnson or Ron Pitts.
Despite the fact you have more practice in saying it than others, it is time to say farewell.
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Gus Johnson is one of the best broadcasters in the business!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgeqrYxu_YM&feature=related
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