By Justin Kendall
If you've worried about what will happen to Bob the Dog or Mrs. Meowmeow when Jesus raptures your soul to Heaven, worry no more. A Kansas City atheist has a solution for your left behind pets.
In this Craigslist ad, an unnamed atheist promises to feed, water and shelter Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II until they go to the big kennel in the sky after Jesus and the angels have carried you skyward.
"The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets?" the pet-loving atheist writes. "Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in."
All this for just a $50 deposit.
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YOU'RE ALL GONNA BURN!!!!!
HELL IS FOREVER AND THE FLAMES WILL NEVER STOP! REPENT NOW AND BE SAVED!
Iggy the atheist used something similar to try and trash the Bill Tammeus blog in the KC STAR.
Hmmmmmmmmmm...
Is there an extra charge for you having to drive to Utah every day to feed my dog? I don't know if my little doggy BumSniffer would like Kansas. Are there mountains in Kansas? He likes mountains, but if not maybe a big hill might do. I also have another little doggy, his name is Humpy. He doesn't really care much about mountains. I wonder why Jesus wouldn't take BumSniffer and Humpy, I am really confused because they are just innocent creatures. I think I will pray about it and maybe Jesus will answer me. He answers Clem next door all the time. Maybe Clem in a better reception area although I live right next door. I never get an answer from Jesus. Do you know how embarresing it is to call my dogs in at night?
Billy Joel is an atheist, he didn't have anything to do with "All Dogs Go to Heaven".
You're probably thinking of "Oliver and Company" in which he did the voice of one of the characters (but did not write the music).
What kind of a loving god would cause so much misery for animals that have done nothing but love their masters?
Didn't Billy Joel do the music for "All Dogs Go to Heaven?"
The cool thing about him is that he once recorded a song at such a high frequency that only dogs can tell it sucks.
This falls under the category of Things I Wish I'd Thought of Myself ...
I second that notion..
This falls under the category of Things I Wish I'd Thought of Myself ... like heated toilet seats, furry handcuffs and those crazy jumping shoes called PowerBocks. Damn it.
Literally nobody I know will get raptured away. That means I still have to show up at work. Although, presumably I'll have my pick of fancy Jesus-fish-decorated cars which have been "unmanned."
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