Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from area basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
The Eagle Christian
Author: Kenneth Price
Date: 1984
Publisher: Old Faithful Press, Montgomery, Alabama
Discovered at: Goodwill, 89th & Wornall
The Cover Promises: Eagles and Christianity. More to the point, the first page promises “The most complete analogy available on the subject of the Golden Eagle and the life of a Christian.” I see no reason to doubt this claim.
Representative Quotes:
Page 38: “The preening of the eagle should be a good lesson in holiness to the Eagle Christian.”
Page 47: “Secondly, the molting, although not due to 'food poisoning,' feels the same way and may be compared to those times in our lives in which God wants to put on us a new coat of his presence.”
In this cute, confounding volume, Price lays out all of the ways in which the ideal follower of the Prince of Peace should resemble nature's most ferocious avian predator. Here he explains his dedication to this task:
Some of his hard-earned insight:
* Eagles don't eat “the carcasses of roadside tragedies” and “will have very little to do with decaying food of any sort.” This should remind the faithful that “a poor spiritual diet means poor spiritual health.”
* Eagles shove eaglets out of the nest to teach them to fly. To Price, who never misses a chance to mix several ill-considered metaphors at once, this means “We must throw off the cushion of our spiritual crib and learn how to walk.”
* Food procurement? The man's job.
* Rat-eating leaves the frugal with more money for tithing.
OK, the one I made up isn't much dumber than Price's. The book's not a total waste, though. The good news about Price's Good News: baby eagle pictures!
The bad news: married life for Eagle Christians is unrelenting terror.
Astonishing Detail: The great delight of Kenneth Price's eagle/Christian treatise is not that he explores his goofy insight for 67 pages. No, it's that before this paperback landed at my Goodwill, some gentle soul took the time to underline the most affecting passages.
Highlight: On his acknowledgments page, Price bemoans the inability of mere language to capture the full beauty of his ideas. Before I quote him, a warning: There isn't a SIC big enough in this world to indicate how wrong this most heartfelt sentence goes.
He writes, “Words are a most powerful tool in the mouth of a skilled orator and a pen in the hands of a skilled writer, yet both forms of communication lack the ability to express my appreciation to friends and families.”
No, Kenneth, words don't lack that ability. You do. Now, come over here to mama bird and let me puke the holy spirit into your mouth.
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Very helpful info here. BTW, I think I read a pretty similar article on one more blog today, really i'm pretty certain. I 'll check it out and let you know, maybe they copied your content, who knows.
Kisses to the baby Christian eagles! 'mwah! Kisses to their white fuzzy heads! 'mwwwwah!
The most disturbing thing to me is that the underliner obviously used a ruler to do the underlining. That's just...painstaking. And weird.
this blew my mind enough to google this guy.
He's still around and still writing. Click my name for a You Tube thing on the subject of eagles and Christians and the worst elevator music ever.
Unbelievable! On the "Lovingkindness" page he writes how the eagle still lays eggs even in the snow. That's an example of how Eagle Christians don't do things just because they're popular. Does that mean that wussier birds lay eggs in nests in springtime because they think that will make the cool? Who is this douche?
Beazley, you are rapidly becoming the most interesting of the whackjobs within Plogland. Sorry, gus, I like you too, but your friend is just so much more outlandish.
Please, Beazley, advise me how I at any time defended �The Christian Eagle�.
Then again, maybe I am confused and by �crummy work of dubious merit� you meant �Downing Street Memo� or �The Way of the World�. In which case, I still offer the same challenge.
Ahhh but if Trevor can find rationale upon which to defend a crummy work of dubious merit from the slashing critical talons of The Pitch, I can now rest easily knowing that my collection of lo-res Maplethorpe jpegs are also absolved as such from the abuses of the editors at Red State Art Critic magazine.
and speaking of bush, didn't he first use the word 'lovingkindness?" i think that's what he saw when he looked into putins eyes and soul that time.
trevor, it's like six degrees of seperation with you. anything anyone says you can somehow turn into a chance to defend gwbush.
Van Vogt�s commentary is especially revealing. It provides a glimpse of the surreal connective forces at play within a disconnected mind. These must be the same types of forces that folks use when interpreting the �Downing Street Memo� or �the Way of the World�.
While it is fascinating to observe, it leaves me questioning if it is curable, or would the little guy be better off out of his misery.
Are we sure that this is not Ashcroft's pen name? Perhaps this book is the bastard child of Betty friedan (sp?) and Ashcroft? yikes...
yes, that thing about the eagle only raising two of its three eggs should have been underlined. Your slipping, Alan! That's a perfect example of how a modern Christian should fight to make sure every baby is born but then not care for what happens to them afterwards.
After years of hating life, myself, Jesus, and The Eagles, I now know why: I was my mama's third egg.
Wow, trying to combine church and state fails even more when you do it metaphorically.
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