From the comments:
wumble says:
If this space were a 3 by 5 customer comment card, the following are the boxes I would check before returning it to the Daily Briefs counter to get my gift certificate:
1. The Internet.
2. White/Not Hispanic.
3. Strongly Agree.
4. Somewhat agree.
5. 3 to 5 times a week.
6. Ross Balano updates.
7. Does Not Apply.
8. I have not had sex with a memeber of the same sex, or an African national, since 1978.
9. Highly Satasfied.
10. (The) Trevor.
Before I got hired to write for the Plog, I worked as a scientist at the University of Missouri-Kansas City School of Pharmacy. Specifically, I was paid in cash to ingest pharmaceuticals that had reached an advanced stage of the FDA approval process,
and which paid for the plum schnapps and plastic-wrapped hoagies I needed to fuel my rigorous exercise regimen. "I'm a scientist!" I'd tell people at parties. It was very prestigious. I had a lab coat that I'd bought at Spencer's Gifts, which said "SCIENTIST" on it, and I was once hooked up to a very scientific dialysis machine when some cholesterol medication shut down my kidneys for a couple of weeks. Due to some papers I signed at my new hire interview, I'm legally barred from pursuing damages for some of the enduring side-effects. For instance, a couple of times a month, the left side of my body goes numb and I have to lay on the couch in front of the television, which is what happened last night.So I watched the Republican National Convention, which is like the Democratic National Convention, only for the olds — it's less confusing and easier to operate, like a Jitterbug phone! More after the jump. Click here, or the delegation from Boca Raton:
"These are stairs, Senator McCain. I've got you. We're going downstairs, now..." With a lineup that included Fred Thompson and former Democrat Joe Lieberman, Tuesday night's theme at the Republican National Convention was elevated PSA's, all of which is leading up to the nomination of Republican candidate Sen. Computer-Generated Orville Redenbacher. Who I understand can remember a time when he didn't have a Jitterbug phone or a Werther's Original candy for five and a half years. Weirdest moment of the night: Wrinkly sack of intestinal gas Fred Thompson pointed out Sen. Barack Obama's unfitness for command or diaper-changing or something, saying, "And we need a President who doesn't think that the protection of the unborn or a newly born baby is above his pay grade." And I'm like, a newly born baby? And then I was like, what the fuck? Sorry — the first thing that occurs to me is usually swearing. Then I thought maybe Thompson was talking about Andrea Yates, because, whoa, everybody hates Andrea Yates, what the hell was up with her, anyway, LADIES, AM I RIGHT?
Although unvetted vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin is the Commander in Chief of the Alaska National Guard (domestic deployments), leads the largest state in the union (by acreage) and is the only thing standing between America and Red Dawn (besides the Bering Strait), the McCain campaign won't let her talk to any reporters. It's now been something like 120 hours since she was introduced by Sen. Heartbeat-with-eyeballs, but nobody gets to talk to her. She's very mysterious! The McCain campaign apparatus is now deflecting all questions about Palin's embrace of Alaskan secession, her possibly illegal firing of a police chief while she pursued a family grudge, her fitness for command and the campaign's failure to vet her until last Wednesday by claiming the media is sexist. At first, I thought that said "sexy." GROSS! For inadvertently making me think of Wolf Blitzer rubbing up against interns in the hallway at CNN, fuck you, McCain campaign. I've been walking around nauseous all morning, and it's not just the side-effects of the Renegal they make me take for my kidneys. Anyway, now that journalism = sexism, McCain's decided not to talk to sexist old Larry King tonight as a punitive measure for this sexist interview by Campbell Brown. Because, obviously, Larry King will use all of his gross old-man sexism on John McCain.
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More than 6,600,000,000 persons exist on our globe, 3 quarters are aquainted with the bible. One human being advertising in only one country, set up this, by word of mouth. Bloggers have the internet with which to reach all of those people, all this at your fingertips, you can change anything, go for it bad boys!!!!!!
That�s right, Queen! Ask what the fuck your country can do for you right now; hands out begging, but mouth running greedily. Fuck tomorrow, I want my shit fixed ta-DAY. You personally shouldn�t have to take care of things; the government should!
Your point on governors not having federal experience is also balls on! Never was there a good governor that became VP, right? Sure, it is ok for them to become President, but they can�t do SHIT as VPs.
I also agree that the Constitution should be amended to require a doctorate degree to be president. I mean, how the fuck is someone going to run a place as big as the United States without a PhD in English or some liberal arts shit? I personally think they should be required to have a PhD in HTML!
Additionally, you nail the point about every woman in the Republican party being anti-woman. None of them so-called-bitches know shit about giving you what you need from the government. Only a Demo-woman is a real woman�all others are anti-woman.
All I know is that this echo chamber is already all sorts of shook up and Palin was sassy, classy, bad assy. CJ is apparently now censoring her Plog about �Elephants in the Room� and all you bone heads, except the magnificent wumble, are missing the most important point�WHAT ABOUT THE HTML?!?!!??!
So, Queen, what are you the queen of? Can I become a subject of yours?
Even Bush says the war is ending. Only McCain and Palin insist we still need to fight it. why i'm sharing this though here, i'll never know.
I was just hoping she would just show off her fun bags. I'd eat some milf and cookies right along side that cute little 'tard baby.
ya gota admit, he is one fucking cute 'tard baby.
I am unsure what she said, can someone help me. She talked about her family for 9 1/2 minutes. I know that she has 5 kids, but did she really need to spend all that time talking about her family and the history behind how her and her husband met and how her parents met and how her pregnant 16 year old daughter met her soon to be 16 year old husband.
I want a clear plan from some damn body about how my gas bill will go down and how the economy will improve, and how poor children's opportunities to go to college will be secured. I want a plan, in writing and I want it now. I am tired of politicians lying to me and telling me that they are going to do this or that.
And as far as her experience goes, she is the governor of alaska, she has not experience in washington what so ever. she has to answer to her state senator and house representative for leverage in Washington. State Politics and National politics are two totally different bags of beans.
Why are we comparing her to Obama anyways, they are running for two different positions, one has a law degree, the other just barely got a bachelors' degree (which is sad actually -- you should need at least a doctorate degree to run for president or vice president), and she is not pro-woman. So I am not sure what all the hoopla is.
We should just admit it, if she wasn't a woman and Obama wasn't a Black man, we probably wouldn't even pay attention to this election. We'd say oh, the white guys are duking it out again, man I hope this war ends soon!
once in a while i have to point out that daily briefs is always funny. thanks, chris!!
I'd have said the same thing if she was a man. But go ahead and leap to -ism card pulling conclusions.
You do have a good point though, I mean with W being the most liberal president in the past 20 or 30 years and calling himself a Republican. There's some serious confusion there.
SWEET! Can you guys teach me how to retard bash Democrat style? I am all stuck wasting time trying to bash real diseases like homosexuality and obesity. I am inept at retard bashing, but would like to learn.
Gawd,kokubetsu. The sexism here is sickening. If a male candidate has a special needs child, nobody complains about it at all. Case in point-- George H. W. Bush.
Isn't Palin's youngest child a baby with Down's Syndrome? And now instead of spending her time caring for her fifth child which will most certainly need extra attention, she's running for vice president? That's some family values in action right there. Not saying anything about her qualifications and all that, but the situation is definately fucked up.
Not that Obama's any better...I'm writing in Ron Paul.
Man, what's up with (the)[cranky asshat retard] Trevor?
Has it been longer than 3 years since one of my sisters looked your way? I'm betting...
Besides, no one was watching those sad old elephants - Run�s House was on last night. Maybe tonight, when the bimbo speaks and tells everone how much experience she has at, you know, stuff, we'll watch.
Yeah, right - 'course we will.
Dude, if you only paid attention. You missed the major flaw of the evening. How about white haired JoAnn Davidson, starting off the night, announcing the VP candidate as Sarah Pawlenty?
Methinks you may be picking a fight you cannot handle with Palin, dude. I am betting that lady has the sass and the class to whip your whimpery ass. Surely, tonight will be key for her, but so far she is looking pretty bad ass. Plus, even if McCain cannot raise his arms above his shoulders, my money says he could still whip Obamas' ass in hand to hand combat...that POW story was insane.
Anyway, congrats to the media for proving the bias in outright attacking someone they know nothing about on things that they admit to know nothing about. I suppose it goes to show that breaking the story is more important than having a story, and that is the reason most folks hate the mainstream media.
Lastly, if the Democrats handled middle America during their entire 4 nights only a quarter as well as the Repubs handled the military in half an hour, you would have quadrupled your post convention poll jump.
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