From the comments:
Son of Kahless says:
Did you receive your used Bat'leth blessed by General Chang before his demise, or is it a designer piece you picked up in San Fransisco?
All hail the dark lord: Usually, I don't talk about my religious convictions, but I'm considering becoming a Satanist as an alternative to my current faith of Toastmasterism, with which I've
become increasingly disillusioned. I've never been a good public speaker, anyway, and now, thanks to some Church of Satan children that came to the door selling Crunch bars to raise money for a missionary project, I can see there's a whole community of selfish reprobates just like me. Their dad waited in the car, drumming his black-nailed fingers and stroking his regulation Anton LeVay goatee in the rear-view mirror, while the kids evangelized about the tenets of their evil faith. They're spreading the spooky doctrine of Lucifer among the native peoples of Columbus Park, using Crunch bars as delicious, chocolatey leverage. Really, really nice kids.On the other, smellier hand, hardcore Satanism is just as transparently affected as the rockabilly lifestyle. Sure, you look cool onstage with your high-pile pompadour and flaming dice tattoos, but on Monday, you still have to go back to work at your loser telemarketing job, where you look completely out of context. It's just like wearing pointy Vulcan ears to the grocery store. I'm an atheist most of the time, but I've been longing for a lost sense of community and belonging, like a girl, and the Plaza Toastmasters group just isn't doing it for me anymore. All they ever do is tell me to quit mumbling and staring at my shoes, and to quit saying "fuck" so much. Those public speaking fancydancers can go to hell, as far as me and my potential new Satanist faith are concerned.
Anyway, after the jump, some stuff about Gov. Sarah Palin, who proved herself twice the Toastmaster that I am last night. Click here, or on the surprisingly adorable father of all lies:
World-class teleprompting: Every now and then, I snap out of my solipsistic internal narrative and consider the science-fiction idea that, just as there might possibly be life on other planets, there might possibly be actual feelings inside of other people's, whatever, their "emotion-holes." How weird is that? You're just going about your business, subscribing people you don't like to the NAMBLA quarterly newsletter, and all of a sudden you have a flickering insight that maybe those people have feelings and ambitions and dreams of their own. And then it goes away, and you wonder if it really happened. Totally just like seeing a UFO.
Not that it matters. I went out of my way on Tuesday to call the obviously bullshit rumors about Sarah Palin's pregnancy bullshit — in accordance with the positive self-image I've cultivated over the years, it's probably because I'm so fuckin' awesome. And where did that get me? Conservative readers bitched in the comments anyway. Like fake Democrat Joe Lieberman, I just want to be pals with conservatives! But totally unlike fake Democrat Joe Lieberman, I don't kiss no wrinkly, strict-constructionist ass, plus I have a deep, resonant voice that sounds nothing like — well, it's hard to describe Joe Lieberman's voice, except by saying it sounds like a cartoon turtle with another turtle stuck in its throat. So, anyway. I don't know why I'm bothering, but to return to the subject of dumbass internet rumors, via foreign policy think-tankist Steve Clemons' blog, here is an actual picture of actual Sarah Palin, obviously great with child, five days before the birth of her son, Trig:
So that's that. Any other moon-landing truthers wanna step up, they better come correct, 'cause Buzz Aldrin be poppin' them in the face. Anyway, Palin gave a speech last night that The New York Times describes as "electrifying." And she sure hates Democrats! Hockey moms like Sarah Palin and John McCain should definitely be all up inside that White House. Also, reform? You guys, the Democrats have been in control of Washington long enough. It's time to put the grown-ups in charge. Now, it's on to Palin's first press availability:
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I would say douche with vinegar (which would have been so much more funny if CJ wasn't censoring the "Elephants in the Room" pimping post she put out there).
I base this on the presumption that vinegar makes douches more effective than non-vinegared douchae. You see, Pelosi, Reid, Gore, and Kerry were just as douchey in their venom spewing, but it was all the same old. Rudy on the other hand actually worked the crowd into a froth.
Damn, I was way behind. But nothing to say about Rudy's speech? Man was a doooouche.
Chris, EVERYONE lurves you, but only because you know HTML so well.
gus, not so much. Him saying he likes the truth makes Baby Jesus and Baby Trig cry.
good call on the palin thing, but you can't worry about conservatives and their complaints. until you say the press is all lies and Obama is a socialist they'll keep complaining. outing the baby rumor as bs is the kind of thing true liberals must do because we like truth and stuff. i'm never reading kos again over that shit, we're supposed to be better.
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