By CHRIS PACKHAM
As the only Kansas City news organ that specifically recommends giving Red Bull to tired babies who run out of energy, Daily Briefs stands alone, walks tall, dies hard, runs scared and shoots to kill all over our nearest competitor,
the Kansas City Star's Mom2Mom mommy-blog, but also Tokyo Drifts all over the Star's Midwest Voices blog like some kind of Lucas Black — on crack!!!!!!! Today on Midwest Voices, Yael T. Abouhalkah temporarily steps away from his usual sane, even-voiced reasonableness to echo Rush Limbaugh's contention that anthrax-powder-vial-brandishing Colin Powell actually did endorse Sen. Barack Obama for President because of his race. And yet, nobody's pointing out that White Power Limbaugh is likewise explicitly endorsing Sen. John McCain because of his race. He sure isn't backing McCain because he actually likes him.
It's time to step up and make my own political endorsement you guys, and the choice for every voter like me who is intrigued and freaked out by mystery and charisma is the creepy gnome from General Guemes, Salta, Argentina. And I am not just endorsing him because I wear a pointy hat and scuttle around sideways, you guys, that is a totally unacceptable racist insinuation and I won't have it. After the jump, some stuff about the magical sorcery of radio. Click here or on MyCreepyGnomebama2008.com:
Do you really need another tote bag? It's Pledge Week, the unholy week in which National Public Radio — against all odds — becomes even more unbearable than it is normally. If you're looking for a reason to not pledge again this fall, I'd humbly like to offer the tendency of the evening news program All Things Considered to produce catastrophically unfunny prerecorded comedy skits. How weird is that? It would be like Charlie Gibson stopping in the middle of a nightly broadcast to tell you that if Jack Nicholson worked at a Burger King, it might go something like this.
Here's a terrible skit from last Friday about John McCain's Joe the Plumber that starts off pretty bad, and by the end is a lot like a disastrous open-heart surgical procedure in which one too many unclamped major arteries is spewing all over the operating room and the doctors literally have to hose off all the gore before breaking the bad news to the family. DON'T PLEDGE, you guys, you're just rewarding a continuation of bad behavior.
Back in the early 1990s, NPR's Morning Edition held a contest to re-record their boring theme song, because it had gone unchanged since the 1970s. Back then, that contest was a really big deal. To NPR listeners. NPR listeners such as — and I don't want to belabor the point, because she really takes a lot of heat around here, and probably needs a break — your grandma. Now here we are, 16 or 17 years later, and NPR never bothered to change it again. I guess they still feel like they really shook things up, and they don't want to alarm listeners with too many startling changes.
You guys, do you realize that A Prairie Home Companion was first broadcast in July of 1974? I've said it before and I'll say it again: My dream job would be getting hired as the guy who's responsible for coming up with all the new ideas at National Public Radio, because I would never have to perform any work. If your pledge dollars are paying that guy's salary, you're being ripped off; if the Geraldine R. Dodge Foundation or Archer Daniels Midland is paying it, they should demand an audit. Novelty-averse NPR even said no to known commodity Ira Glass when he pitched This American Life, and he had to take it to Public Radio International. And you guys, even that show is 13 years old.
I know I'm out there in the cold on this whole subject. Every single person I know, including some really smart people, looks at me like I'm crazy when I talk about how unrelentingly, thunderingly dull NPR is, or how totally and completely anti-entertaining Michael Feldman is. And Car Talk, you guys? "Dewey, Cheatum and Howe?" Every week? Seriously? My friend Scott is going to read this and shake his head sadly. But if KCUR seriously wants me to pledge, they only have to do one thing: Start broadcasting the excellent The Sound of Young America, Jesse Thorn's interview program (from PRI) about comedy and "things that are awesome." You hear me, KCUR? I've got $200 if you put Jesse Thorn on the air. NOTE: in a decent time slot. Zero o'clock in the morning is a non-starter. Until then, I'll stick with The Best Show on WFMU.
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CP: If the situation has been this bad for this long, why are you still listening? Good grief, man, stop torturing yourself! Turn the radio off and enjoy the TSOYA podcast (and send Jesse and the kids a check).
I had a "driveway moment" on Independence Avenue a couple weeks ago, but I got busted and now I'm on John TV.
That's not the McCain campaign channel.
I know, right? For some reason, I have the exact opposite of the reaction I'm supposed to have to fuzzy, warm, society-affirming crap like A Prairie Home Companion. I spent the first 9 months of my life in the womb; I really have no desire to get back to my fetal roots, y'all.
If I hear the phrase "driveway moment" one more time during a pledge drive, I'm gonna hurt somebody. Probably myself, but still, no one wants that.
Prairie home companion and Michael Feldman serve one purpose only: to force me out of bed on weekends, running screaming to the coffee maker.
I still heart NPR regardless of it's refusal to change with the times, but I'm totally with you on SOYA. Except that I still don't have any money to give them. GUILT TRIP ME ALL YOU WANT FUCKERS! MY KIDS GOTTA EAT!
Chris, what are you a tool of the Republican Media Elite? Consider that Rush is on whether anyone listens or not, as long as some dumbass is willing to send in advertising dollars, then he's on-the-air.
The beauty of public radio is that it is privately funded by its listeners. So if you don't like it, don't listen and don't send in a check. I'm sorry that your grandma sends more money to them then to you.
Personally, I listen to KKFI more than KCUR and they also are a Community Radio station that operates via private funds from their listeners.
Another waste of EVERYBODYS MONEY!(Not you Chris), Public TV or Radio- Its time has long passed. If these peace loving, socialist do gooders can't get a simple TV or Radio station up and running commercially like all the others do, then they should go off the air! I'm sick of pledge drives, and our government supporting this stuff.
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