Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from area basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. He does this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
How to Pick Up Girls!
Author: Eric Weber
Publisher: Symphony Press, New York
Date: 1970
Discovered at: Goodwill, Bonner Springs
The Cover Promises: Much that the book fails to back up.
Representative Quotes
Page 21: “The point of this story is not that the girl was 'bad' or 'fast' or 'avant garde.' All it indicates is that normal, healthy young chicks like sex. Want sex. And, most important, will be glad to have sex with you if you only ask them.”
Page 85: “March in a peace demonstration. Even if you're for war. I've heard countless stories of guys who have picked up fantastic broads in peace demonstrations.”
In his introduction to this “foolproof guide to meeting women,” author Eric Weber -- a sort of horn-dog Sherpa to the brave new world of 1970s promiscuity -- describes what he considers a familiar situation. You're a guy, walking down the street, and you see this girl: “Someone so absolutely stunning, so downright sexy, you actually find yourself running to catch up with her . . . For an instant you even consider rape.”
The good news: If you've studied Weber's system, you recognize that force isn't necessary. Instead, you've been hipped to a world-changing secret that gets a full chapter here: “Women Get Horny.”
“Next time you're wondering whether to try to pick up a certain girl, remember: It may be a long time since she's been to bed with a man. She might be horny. Very horny. Right at that very moment.”
In the event that she's not horny, you still have a shot. Just follow Weber's vague system, which he lays out in a series of short, chatty chapters packed with unbelievable anecdotes about “knockers that about knocked me off my seat.” Also, he interviews a group of ladies he calls the “Fabulous 25.”
Linda: “I don't go for a man who approaches me with something like, 'Gee, you're pretty old to be wearing braces.'”
As near as I can determine, his system has four steps.
First, be sexy.
“Try on some of the new wild clothes. Bell bottoms and English boots and wide ties. Wear a body shirt or dungarees or a groovy vest. Be dramatic. Leave the top button of your shirt open . . . Think sexy. Think, I am a virile male animal. If I made love to that cute girl over there, she'd go weak in the knees.”
But relax.
“Even if you bungle things terribly and make an incredible fool of yourself, ten minutes later you'll still be able to sit down and enjoy a big steak dinner.”
And be yourself.
“If you aren't the wittiest guy in the room, don't try to be Jerry Lewis.”
Finally, swoon and lie.
“The woman you're approaching must be made to feel you're head over heels in love with her . . . Half the time you want to pick up a girl it's because she's got a set of breasts that make you dizzy. Or the face of a movie star. Or the hips of a belly dancer. Not because she has some magnetic inner quality. Or whatever the hell it is she wants you to flip over. But you can't let them know that.”
Just remember: Don't rape, even if you think they're asking for it.
“Why do you think so many of them have completely stopped wearing bras and panties? . . . They're showing you their breasts and behinds to stimulate you. To make you want to go to bed with them. To get you to caress and fondle their lovely behinds and soft warm breasts.”
And don't expect any of this to work!
“The author of a book on how to pick up girls was rejected more times than he can remember. And he lived to talk about it.” Worse, he even admits, “Before I started work on this book I never came close to approaching a strange woman. I was sure if I did I'd get bopped on the head with a pocketbook.”Highlight:
From the chapter “Fifty Great Opening Lines”:
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Systems, methods, and templates to pick up women are saturating the clubs and bars. They are becoming obsolete. For the new wave of improving your attraction with the opposite sex visit www.gettingyourgirl.com
-Suave
guz, I am thinking that you are asking for it, but the book says "Don't Rape"...I am so confused!
Alas, I have been a bit of a busy bee what with short selling newspaper stocks and getting ready for the next Clinton administration, but don't worry...I am still here...lurking...
Does the book contain a chapter on how to combat Sexual Harassment charges? Might also help if it had something on fighting restraining orders...
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