The U.S. Attorney's office in western Missouri issues press releases describing recent indictments and sentencings. Yesterday, for instance, came word that a 22-year-old Kansas City, Missouri, man had been charged with carjacking.
Occasionally, the press office takes the time to describe the accused by their profession (or their crime, if successfully prosecuted). So instead of simply saying that a Lee's Summit man received 15 years for receiving kiddie porn, the press release will indicate that the future prison-yard punching bag is "a former radio DJ."
We at The Pitch celebrate this practice. We like information. We also like to be entertained. And for some reason, failure to report the discharge of pollutants into a lake is funnier when committed by "a former public works director for the city of Lake Ozark."
Here is a list of some of the defendants the feds have brought before judges since April. The locations are in Missouri, unless otherwise noted:
A former taxi cab driver who befriended then embezzled more than $640,000 from a wealthy customer
A music teacher at two Kansas City-area schools
A Neosho man who was arrested following a shootout and a high-speed chase in which two police officers were wounded
A former Springfield police officer
Three owners and operators of Asian massage parlors in Johnson County, Kan.
A Houston man who fatally shot his wife
Two former employees of a firm operating at the Lake City Army Ammunition Plant in Independence
A former high school teacher in West Plains
Five men with connections to the sovereign citizen movement
The president of a Kansas City area roofing company
A former loan officer for two Columbia banks
A former Johnson County, Kan., firefighter/EMT
A Lee's Summit tax preparer
A Missouri prison inmate
A former Lee's Summit appraiser and a husband and wife from Kansas City, Kan.
A Pakistani national
The owner of a Sedalia business
One of the two men believed to be involved in the armed robbery of United Labor Credit Union
A Salvadoran national
A nonprofit agency operating five long-term residential care facilities in southwest Missouri
The former director of a federal program for senior citizens in Ray County
A former general manager of a Kansas City car dealership
A former Buchanan County official
-- David Martin
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