¿De que color es el autobus? Back when the thinly budgeted Kansas City Transportation Authority started the MAX express line from the City Market to Waldo, there was a lot of talk about the magickal properties that distinguished it from, for instance, the smelly old 57 line your grandparents are always going on about between defibrillations. One of the more fanciful Tolkien-grade claims about the MAX route was that sensors on downtown traffic lights could detect the buses and hold a yellow light, allowing the MAX to keep to its express line schedule. After riding the MAX line daily for two straight winters, and then after seeing a MAX bus at 20th and Main miss the yellow light and actually run a red light just yesterday, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that whole thing is a goddamn lie. I've never once seen a MAX bus hold a yellow light, ever, but I've sure seen them stop at a lot of fucking red lights while winding through the ridiculously circuitous downtown route. So that's just another lie that the city is built on, along with the affordability of TIFs and the etymology of "mammy."
After the jump, some naked photographs of city officials the government doesn't want you to see. Click here or here:
The legendary sunken subdivision of Atlantis Acres Estates: Given that there's nothing I love more than a good foreclosure auction, I might just have to move to Johnson County. If there's one thing I've learned from columnists at The Kansas City Star, you don't actually have to live in Kansas City in order to write about it -- in fact, it's probably best to have some narrative and geographic distance. Like Ernest Hemingway writing about his World War I experiences in Paris cafes and Mike Hendricks covering Mayor Mark Funkhouser from the 119th Street Cheesecake Factory, I think I could best assemble Photoshop comics and snotty blurbs from the comfort of a leather recliner in the family room of a suburban crackerbox McMansion picked up cheap from a failing mortgage lender. Oh, anyway, foreclosures are wuh-hay up in Johnson and Wyandotte counties compared to a national trend. That was the whole "news hook" that got me started, here.
Harry Shearer's show ain't no Christmas present, either: Revenues have declined at National Public Radio as a result of the econocalyptic climate, the same as every other organization in the country except Hormel, the Campbell's Soup company and Trans/Global Hobo Bindles Solutions Worldwide SKG. So they're cutting 64 jobs, and -- more significantly -- actually canceling two shows, which NPR has never, ever done in their entire "Herstory." But then I actually sort of lost interest in the whole thing when I read that neither of the two canceled shows were the hateful A Prairie Home Companion or completely flaccid Whadd'ya Know? In fact, I've never heard of either one of the shows they did cancel, so I'll just assume Day to Day and News and Notes were mid-day continuations of the monotonous droning sound of Morning Edition. But I like to think that the actual cancellation of two NPR programs had to come as a jolting wake-up call to heartbeat-with-eyes Garrison Keillor, who had probably never even considered the possibility that his job-for-life might come to an end before he'd actually assumed room temperature. Chris Packham's dickishness about National Public Radio is underwritten by the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, ADM: Supermarket to the World and listeners like you.
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I said I was not going to comment on the current dust-up at City Hall, but the whole thing has gotten so silly - and several of my commenters are pressing me - so I'm going to make an exception to my own rules.
First, let's start with the whole idea of potato salad in City Chambers...
Ah, BC: we have said it before and will say it again, we love you. Yes, we do. We do not want you to disappear. If you did, then who else would make such blatant copy-editing errors as to include two disparate articles in one recently published criticism of that grand old lady, The Star?
Really, a city council story AND Jason Whitlock? That's hard for even us to believe.
More likely a junior copy editor fell alseep at the switch...MORE
RELATED STORY: 12-01-2008
Kansas City Star Primo Buzzed columnist makes huge error; refuses to apologize.
_____________________________________________
In a column today covering the ongoing City Council strife that rumors say have Ed resigning by tomorrow, the following error was made:
�Jan and Beth, and particularly Gloria, were trying to dish out the potato salad so that he the Mayor would only have to spend 30 minutes at the Council meeting..."
This is simply inexcusable for a paper of The Star's stature. We imagine that the Star's Reader Representative�s phone is ringing off the hook�
FEEDBACK (12-09-2008):
"I was shocked to read Jason Whitlock's article on Monday when he twice made fun of the Virgin Mary. What is more amazing is that he did this on the Roman Catholic holy day of the Immaculate Conception.
"I know he is probably not bright enough to know that Monday was a holy day. Is there anybody reviewing his articles and if it was why was it permitted to run? Does the Star have a anit-Catholic position? I believe they do with the anti-Catholic articles that have run over the years. What would be the outrage if he slandered the Muslim or Jewish faith?
"I expect a apology from Whitlock and the Star.
BKC Breaks Scoop on Council Strife
Leading KC blogger BKC Tony B posted an 'exclusive' scoop on the cat fight between Jan and Beth Thursday that involved Jan's famous potato salad.
Also involved in the altercation was Ed, who is reputed to have been dressed up as Bette Midler, to include 4 inch "fuck me" high heels.
�Jan and Beth, and particularly Gloria, were trying to dish out the potato salad so that he the Mayor would only have to spend 30 minutes at the Council meeting," said Sharon disgustedly,� so he could open his mouth and cost us more money.�
READ MORE...
Tony of bkc once again wrote a brilliantly intelligent, though wrongheaded, analysis of the current strife rampant in the City Council. As always, he gets his facts hopelessly confused even as his heart�s in the right place.
While I was having some of Jan�s famous potato salad last night�ad fucking nauseum.
AWESUM TKC TIPSTERS STAND UP!!!!!
In yet another tkc EXCLUSIVE I can report that Beth called Ed a "cross-dressing Rudy Giuliani wannabe" even as she spit Jan's potato salad all over the city chambers.
AWESUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
of course, this is a joke blog, so I don't care about what really happened (unless it was to a white broad down here in my mother's basement - hehhehheh) as it just drives my numbers (yes, there's no reason for my numbers since I can't figure out how to monetize this blog) through the roof.
just like my member (NO HOMO!)is driven through the roof by this awesum set of NSFW photos of Tom Selleck!
Oh: West Side. Latinos.
DOne now!!!!!
AWESUM!!!!!!!!
Shutup Ed, you ain't got shit to say. You been on MARC, the MARC Total Transportation Committee. You been on the Transportation Committee of the Platte County EDC, the Clay County EDC Legislative committee, the Plans and Zoning Committee of the Northland Regional Chamber. An' you been on the Council one way t'other since 1995 and we still ain't got enough busses to run folks from the east side to where they need to go, you holdin'us down piece o' slime. An' iffn' you think youse gonna be the next Mayor, youse got another think comin'.
So I was in the QT at 72nd and Wornall with my mother, you've met my mother?, and I realized that I needed them so I got a box of MaxiPads and then got mom back into the van without her spilling her coffee, and we then just went through that yellow light on Wornall, well, I turned right, you know, north, back toward our house, but I didn't have any problems with the yellow light so I'm not sure what you're talking about. Oh, and if I have to eat another bite of your terrible potato salad, Jan, I'll just puke. Really. Puke. What were you doing in China, anyway? Pickng up some fu dogs for your house? Wait. Maybe a pair of fu dogs in City Hall, they're said to bring good look? Maybe, Jan, if you put a pair of your Chinese fu dogs at City Hall, Mammy...er, Miz Bates wouldn't sue us for so much money, huh? Damn, I need another coffee...
Ed - have I showed you my pictures from China yet?
Come on over, I'll make some potato salad.
See?!!
This is the shit I'm talkin' about! Every day it's like this, every god damn day! Hell, at this point I'd really rather they both worked from home 5 days a week...
Mark, I swear I didn't say anything about the girly ankle length crew socks!
Read my disposition.
Or, alternately, my forthcoming book, "Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof Off the Sucker)".
Gloria -
Did those nekid pikchures maybe have FUnk in some, you know, girly-type ankle length crew socks?
'cause whenever packham is over here droppin' the 20 lb wiegth bar on his sunken chest and beggin' us to help him get it up (no tkc!), he's always checkin' the guys out for those socks.
i'm jes' sayin'.
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