Blah blah capital markets, blah blah business writing: So, apparently the U.S. recession began last December? Wow, that was such a long time ago, how the years fly by. Why, I can remember back before there was any such thing as habeus corpus, but you kids have it so great these days with your Magna Carta and your Beatles and all your butt-sex, OW, MY HIP! Oh, sweet, sweet Ensure adult formula, now available in pudding form, flood these old bones with lactose-free, gluten-free calories and protein. Anyway, energy is cheap, consumer electronics are cheap, houses are cheap. Everything's gone to hell. How are you tightening your belt? I'm patronizing a lower grade of gentleman's club these days; lap dances at the Shady Lady are wuh-haaay cheaper than Bazooka's. After the jump, a journey to a magickal land of puppets and reading. Click here or here:
No such thing: Oh, look, Google is teaming with NORAD to track Santa's progress around the globe tonight, in a decades-old charade pairing Santa Claus, the primary mover-and-shaker amongst fictional children's mythological figures, with the North American Aerospace Defense Command, which children have probably never heard of. Maybe Playskool could build a NORAD playset, with two giant plastic keys that have to be turned simultaneously to launch colorful foam land-based LGM-30 Minuteman III missiles into the long-range theater, just to bring the kids up to speed. Otherwise, why not have some other obscure agency track Santa, like the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency or the Fair Political Practices Commission? That's just one of my many ideas, you guys. I'm an idea man.
Felonious entrepreneurship: Every year at my high school, they'd invite a community activist with a history of drug use and recovery to come talk to a student assembly about the dangers of taking drugs. We learned a lot about marijuana, crack, heroin and various forms of huffing, but some of the most valuable advice they passed along was how dealers would cut product with baby powder and tips to avoid getting ripped off. The inherent irony in educating kids about how to be better consumers while attempting to illustrate the dangers of drug use was not lost on us even back then. By contrast, KCTV-5 reports about a guy who cashed in $100,000 in counterfeit casino chips at the Argosy in Riverside without explaining, in detail, how to make your own casino chips at home. That's just bad journalism, you guys.
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