Thursday, March 5, 2009

KC actors: Wanna play a talking fish based on Fox News' Bill Hemmer?

Posted by Justin Kendall on Thu, Mar 5, 2009 at 11:23 AM

click to enlarge Who wants to play a talking fish ...
  • Who wants to play a talking fish ...

I don't know much about casting calls, but this one caught my eye. Guys, if you're a non-union actor between the ages of 18 and 40, here's a strange pilot to consider.

See, there's this guy named Tim Bartow. He's in his 20s, has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair. He's "kind of a jerk ... but he is very kind most of the time." That's not all. He "escapes into his imagination every episode by means of a strange book" and has "a gang of imaginary friends." Fox, I'm looking at you. This is perfect. It gets better.

click to enlarge based on Fox News' Bill Hemmer?
  • based on Fox News' Bill Hemmer?
Tim's not the only jerk on the show. There's Elliot Bartow, a fatty who is always yelling "when he doesn't get his way." He's religious, plays guitar and sings. But he's a shitty musician. He's also "mentally challenged" and "clever sometimes despite his challenges."

Not the role for you? Try JD, Tim's imaginary friend. JD is a 6-foot-7-inch basketball player who explains life to Tim. He's invincible, "intellegent (sic) and worldly."

Too short for JD? Try imaginary friend Chuck. He's a muscular surfer who is always giving Tim "assignments to complete." He's a prankster, and "his favorite sport is schmupple." Whatever that is.

Then there's Bill, "a news journalist who is a talking fish and whose character is based off Fox News' Bill Hemmer." Who? Hemmer is real.

How about the racially sensitive Bil character. He's a bus driver/newspaper delivery man who "talks like a white guy and a black guy, who are both black." Talks black?

Ladies, you can also get in on this if you're between the ages 18-32. There's:
  • Katie Bartow -- "the spoiled brat" of the Bartow family.
  • Sam Bartow -- the youngest but "most mature" child. She's a singer, a model -- ooh! -- and a high school sophomore.
  • Liz Bartow -- the unselfish mother who "coddles the girls and practically ignores the boys." "Little does she know that her sons are really good people." Sounds like a real great mom. Oh, and "her hobbies include working, cooking, and coddling the girls." Working is her hobby?
  • Rebecca -- "Tim's imaginary girlfriend" who is a "talented diver as well as being attractive."
Please, someone green-light this disaster. And actors, hurry up. The ad expires March 12.

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Comments (3)

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I watch fox almost every day . I wake up at 5:00am go to gym work out and I have been watching fox for years since 1986 and I still do plus my family ofcouse . And Bill Hemmer is very handsome man ! Keep it up Bill ! We love you and your co-host ! ;). Sincerely Somjit ,

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Posted by Somjit Shartle on 10/26/2010 at 6:16 PM

Don't hate on the guy because he's being honest. Being disabled is no excuse for writing crap. And if he is suicidal and/or depressed, maybe he should opt for something OTHER than filmmaking, which is about the most psychologically battering endeavor you can pursue (this from a veteran of five features and twice as many shorts).

At the end of the day, no matter how heartrending a story the filmmaker has, it's not a crutch for incompetent work. He has to revise like everyone else to make something good.

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Posted by Jack Hawkins on 10/25/2010 at 11:53 AM

Hi i work with Tim Bartow he really does suffer from cerebaral palsy and his brother is mentally challenged as well.Tim has been suffering from suicidal thoughts and depression for the last few years.Because of his condition doctors said he would all ready be dead by now.So every day he is alive could be his last He thought it would be a good idea to write a show about his life in hopes that someone would relate.He found a writing partner who was willing to write the pilot for the show but after reading your article she decided not to.So thanks for your positive support and helping tim in the last years of his life you heartless fuck.

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Posted by Todd Hoover on 10/13/2009 at 1:12 PM
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