What's the favorite breakfast cereal of Czechs? The other day -- oh, sorry, I'll be more specific, as this is "journalism" -- ON WEDNESDAY, the head of the European Economic Union, Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek of the Czech Republic, known to coprolite-pooping old Sen. John McCain as "Czechoslovakia," slammed Pres. Barack Obama's plan to spend $2 trillion in stimulus for the U.S. economy, calling it "the road to hell." Pretty strong words by the austere old-world standards of European politics, although we're accustomed in the land of home fries and ranch dressing to using Hitler analogies as a starting point for domestic policy debates.
Right now, the Czech Republic holds the rotating 6-month Presidency of the EU. Except, as it turns out, on Tuesday, Topolanek's government was ousted by a no-confidence vote in the Czech Parliament. Which means that his Wednesday outburst was mostly an ego-saving display of radiant plumage intended to distract Europe from the fact that he was, rather than the Czech Prime Minister, just some guy.
So going back to the beginning of this whole thing, on Wednesday, some guy said Pres. Barack Obama's economic stimulus plans were the "road to hell." Journalism!
But we shouldn't discuss raising the minimum wage. In case you are Czech and haven't heard about it, the people of the United States are living in shantytown tent cities, thanks to a little thing called "all our jobs disappeared." Really, finding a better name for that thing is getting urgent. Is there a line item in the stimulus plan for unemployment nomenclature? Tent cities evoke a lot of classic Steinbeckian Americana, if you're a Modern Literature dick, and I'll just say, contrary to promises made, I've seen fights break out so hungry people could eat, and Tom Joad WASN'T THERE. Thanks, pal. I'm using the word "pal" in a cool sarcastic way, the way Han Solo used to say "Your Highness," and then sucking in my gut and swaggering around like a big-shot. Anyway, I guess wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, that cop can just commence to beatin' without any fear of homeless Okie Tom Joad and his potato-stomping work boots. Because, TENT CITIES, you guys.