By the halfway point of January, lots of people have already given up on their New Year's resolutions. Altering a habit -- snapping at loved ones, for instance -- requires constant self-monitoring. Pursuing a passion involves self-discipline and self-confidence -- what if other people aren't supportive?
Author Gretchen Rubin understands the challenge. She took a hard look at herself, and, in a totally Type A personality way, embarked on a yearlong mission to change. The result: a 301-page book, The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun (Harper Collins, $25.99), and an accompanying, interactive blog.
Unlike the glut of memoirists who flee their families, even their country, for a personal overhaul, Rubin, a wife, mother and writer who originally hails from Kansas City but now lives in New York City, sought to change her life without changing her life. A best-selling author in a healthy marriage, Rubin wasn't unhappy in the first place. However, she recognized that, like a lot of reasonably happy people, she could stand to be happier.
The question of how led to literally dozens of personal resolutions
(i.e. go to sleep earlier, quit nagging, enjoy the fun of failure),
plus academic research into what constitutes happiness as well as the
relevancy of the wisdom of the ages on the matter. By breaking the down
the elements of her own happiness into themes (Boost Energy, Aim
Higher, Make Time for Friends), Rubin tried out the advice of
philosophers, founding fathers, saints, hypnotists and other writers
month by month.
In the book, Rubin weaves the sages' advice with her own observations.
Her revelations come in the form of Secrets of Adulthood -- "What you
do every day matters more than what you do once in a while" -- and Splendid Truths -- "One of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy myself."
These aren't difficult concepts, but it's easy to see how Rubin or
anyone caught up in the hustle of everyday life could take them for
granted.
Throughout the year, Rubin's chief instrument of personal
accountability is a Benjamin Franklin-inspired resolutions chart. She
uses it to grade herself daily. And each month she adds more
resolutions. Of course, the journey doesn't end in perfection. Rubin
never completely conquers the tendency to nag (among other things), but
her attempt is impressive and inspiring.
Her incomplete success is what makes the book work and what keeps Rubin
from coming off in the end like a charlatan or know-it-all. She is a
real person with real hang-ups and flaws. Sometimes her foibles are
funny (an unserious argument with her husband); sometimes they make you
not like her (oversensitivity that results in unnecessarily harsh words
to loved ones). Ultimately, what Rubin achieves is a better sense of
personal awareness, not only of her faults. Thorough personal
assessment reveals things she didn't know about herself (that she
actually likes music) and things that she took for granted (her
interest in children's literature), all of which helps her realize the
most basic thing she needs to do in order to be happier: be herself.
And while it may not be the most profound truth, if being true to
oneself is a key to happiness, Rubin's account is at least an enjoyable
reminder.
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