Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
Dancing With Demons: The Music's Real Master
Author: Jeff Godwin
Date: 1988
Publisher: Chick Publications
Discovered at: Brookside estate sale
The Cover Promises: Best Burning Man ever!
Representative Quotes:
By the late 1980s, evangelicals had perfected an unlikely method of winning young people to Christ.
Step One. Loudly damn everything that young people might enjoy, ever.
Step Two: Watch the kids flock to you.
Of course, denouncing youth culture meant some dedicated evangelicals had to swallow hard and experience youth culture. Jeff Godwin dared to, and the Lord revealed horrors unto him, such as the obvious fact that LL Cool J cavorts with demons. (Lucifer must have a big ol' butt.)
Turns out, all of kids' musical heroes perform in the service of demons, devils, and "a Greek deity named Pan." Godwin proves this on the book's first page when he points out that Paul McCartney holds a panpipe on the sleeve of his Pipes of Peace record, a well-known favorite of cultists everywhere. As a cabarnet sauvignon is to fine steak, so is the light funk of "Say, Say, Say" to human sacrifice.
You can see Pan for yourself on the cover of Dancing With Demons. There he tootles his flute in front of the enraptured masses, some of whom boogie on as the lake of fire swallows them. Godwin writes, "Multiplied millions of young people are being sacrificed to this master demon as they pass through the fires of rock." 
Closer inspection confirms that Pan's hellbound throng is made up of everyday people just like you and me!
See, there's the feather-duster punks, a guy shoplifting a basketball, Princess Leia as a schoolgirl, and way up front, third in line for the inferno, poor Ralphie from A Christmas Story.
Godwin assails everyone you would expect in a book like this. There's Stevie Nicks, of course, who apparently aspires to pharaoh-hood:
"Some other facts which tie Stevie to her master, Satan, include: Halloween is her favorite night of the year. She would like to build her own pyramid, and someday retire to a 'little witch house' by the sea."
And suck-rock heroes Poison.
And the mightiest of all:
Yes, "Stairway to Heaven" is exactly like the Encyclopedia Britannica. 
Both:
Are found in basements.
Haven't been consulted in 20 years.
Were once sold door-to-door.
Are so big they must be purchased in installments.
Like most Satan-spotters of the '80s, Godwin hates metal.
His distaste also ranges to hip hop:
"Rap is street slang for a long winded, loud mouthed, lotta talk about nothing, set to rhyme."
In rap, which is full of "ear infiltration and dust-headed death," Godwin sees not community but conspiracy.
"On the inner sleeve of 'Licensed to Ill,' the following words are stuck between pictures of the in-concert Beastie Boys taking a booze bath: 'SPECIAL KNOWLEDGE TO RUN DMC & JAM-MASTER JAY.' Why did they use the word 'knowledge' instead of 'acknowledgement?' What secrets passed between the groups, and why be so mysterious about it?"
On another page, he answers his own question.
"Run-DMC are role models, all right, but for whom? The answer is obvious -- LUCIFER."
And then there's this.
It goes on and on like this.
Rolling Stones: "The most infamous band of doped-up Black Magic monsters of all time."
David Bowie: "Bisexual coke head"
Paul McCartney: "Pro-homo dopehead"
Tina Turner: "The inner sleeve of 'Break Every Rule' features a full length photo of Tina wearing a slitted mini-dress which barely covers her backside. The entire picture is bathed in red, the color of harlotry."
Amy Grant: "She and a friend sunbathed naked on the beach"
David Lee Roth: "While still a young child, I bet he never dreamed he'd one day spend his vacations watching satanic high priests stuffing live chickens into their mouths and tearing them to pieces."
Heart: "On stage, burly Ann bellowed out tunes like a rampaging bull elephant while her kid sister Nancy stood motionless like a frozen telephone pole."
All throughout the '80s, kids dared each other to stick their tongues to Nancy Wilson.
Highlight:
Godwin quotes innocous lyrics from Madonna's "Open Your Heart" and then lamely concludes, "Put Satan in those words instead of just boy/girl 'love' and you'll get the true meaning behind the message."
But if adding "Satan" to a song's lyrics proves that song is satanic, then every song ever written is a secret paen to evil! Let's try!
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LL Cool J !
Natural Voice !
Do not translate it: submitted to any of my girls and actors like:
Yanash bana chok yanash ve yap beni: ismin: Ayshe Dincher: yoksa kopman gerekiyor: Ayshe Dincher: until to: a&r: Ayshe Dincher: true: told you girl: understand: girl you know it is true !
Do not translate it: come a little bit closer !
== Germany�s Next Stage Performance ==
Stefan Raab !
Submitted to: Ines Redjeb: DSDS: concentration: Lena Landrut: there are only one life: there is nothing to loose: believe that: that is no joke: told you girl: girl you know it is true !
Concentration: there are only one life: there is nothing to loose !
Ines Redjeb: mit: Tezcan Tezgel: anfangen anzuhoeren: YANIYORUM: professional coming out: do what you like but do it right: there are only one life: wishing you the best: Step By Step: I Am Every Woman: Whitney Houston: and: Straight Up: PA: Do You Wanna Really Love: die Zwischengesaenge nicht bei: Straight Up: mit dem Rhythm von: Girl You Know It Is True: Do You Love Me: Come On: Tell Me: Are You Ready For This Love: are you ready for this relationship: Ines Redjeb: Straight Up and now tell me are you ready: all tracks like: you need rock: like: girl you know it is true: as: bridge to the chorus: two or three of it: or: like: Black Cat: do what you like but do it right: there are only one life: Girl Seven: 7 : you really wanna: come on now: straight to the door: just relax because i am gonna proof it: there is nothing to loose: my sound is coming the speaker from Hamburg: Koeln: Berlin: Istanbul: to: New York City: to: Hollywood: do not be confused: step by step: you could be: i am every woman: et c�est parti: Yahoo Music France: or:www. my music video.de Nadiya: with the quality of the rhythm of: come: true: come on: UMBRELLA: Girl you know it is true !
Girl you know it is true !
Hoert sich immer gleich an: aber ist ganz und gar nicht der Fall: muesst immer von Anfang an durchlesen: ein Wort veraendert den komletten Sinngehalt des Kommentars: true: DSDS: ohne die Toene zu treffen habt Ihr keinerlei Chancen durchzukommen: wenn ich will: das geht nicht: wo A steht muss auch A wiedergegeben: um bestehen zu koennen: wenn man sich auf die Leistungskontrollen nicht vorbereitet: dann schafft man diese Leistungskontrollen nicht: understand: girl you know it is true: Lena Landrut: ist durchgekommen: mit dem B-Song waere auch in der Version: Jennifer Braun: als Finalistin durchgekommen: alle anderen auch: rhythm: ..... : die Zuschauer haben sich fuer den Song entschieden: bisschen die Hueften schwingen: hat also nicht mit: Lena Landrut: zu tun: der Song auf der Buehne war leblos: die Gesangstimme auf der Buehne war nicht einwandfrei und ist auch nicht ausgebildet: damit wird Sie In Oslo nichts bewirken: die Zuschauer haben die Wahl nach Oslo getroffen: war nur die Fahrkarte nach Oslo: fuer den B-Song haben sich die Zuschauer entschieden: wenn Sie sich: Ayse Dincer: anhoert: mit: Kocum Benim: mein Kavallier: anfangen: english geschrieben: Ayshe Dincher: dann den Song: Tik Tak: anhoeren: fuenf Mal: hintereinander konzentriert: der Gesang auf der Buehne kann man nicht empfehlen: hoerte sich an: als ob Sie einen Text abliest: kompakt den Gesang: wenn ich den Song bzw. die Songs singe: mitsinge: euch begleite waehrend Eurer Auftritte: dann hoert sich alles anders an: kompakt: nach den Instrumenten sich orientiert: wenn die Instrumente so gespielt werden: dann auch: dab dab dab daaab: die Instrumente geben Anhaltspunkte ueber den Verlauf des Gesangs: sich auf die Instrumente konzentrieren: wenn eingespielt ist mit dem Team: dann konzentriert man sich nicht auf das Team: als Einheit tritt man auf: keiner konzentriert sich mehr auf den anderen: sich auf die Instrumente konzentrieren: nach den Instrumenten wird die Gesangsstimme eingesetzt: um die Toene zu treffen: muesst Ihr Euch auf die Instrumente konzentrieren: aus diesem Grund werden die Instrumente als Begleitinstrumente eingesetzt: die mit der Gesangsstimme zu einer Einheit werden muessen: viele Stimmen wird: Lena Landrut: nicht bekommen in Oslo: nicht wie beim Wettbewerb: sich das einmal anhoeren: Miss Kiss Kiss Bang: harte Knochenarbeit: die Buehneausstattung war total daneben: nich besser geht die Qualitaet nicht: wenn: Lena Landrut: mit Ihrem Gesang und Ihrer Stimmenperformance vergleicht: wird Sie eine boese Ueberraschung erleben: TopTen in Oslo ist moeglich: sich auch: Top 1: Ruslana: Everyway That I Can: Fairytale: Alexander Rybak: anhoeren: damit Sie darueber informiert ist: wie die Zuschauer entschieden haben: was an Ihrem Sprechgesang fehlt: langweilig: Sie ist auch keine ausgebildete Saengerin: ohne die Toene zu treffen wird man nicht weit kommen: aus diesem Grunde sich konzentrieren: das habe ich letzte Woche gespeichert: USA:.....: education: den Kopf nach oben gerichtet in die Luft: den Koerper des Menschen sich als eine Instrument vorstellen: so funktionieren alle Blasinstrumente: den Mund weit auf: eine Minute tief einatmen und auch ausatmen: Sie muesste Kopfschmerzen bekommen: ununterbrochen ein- und ausatmen: nach 10 Sekunden wird eigentlich jedem schwindelig: Lena Landrut: nicht in der Tonlage wie auf der Buehne: sondern: hoch: sehr hoch singen: hoeher und hoeher: dann in der Gesangsstimme wie auf der Buehne singen: aber betonend die Worte und lebendiges Schauspiel: G� ZIRDELI: noch einmal anhoeren: und: auch: Jennifer Brown: sich: Sam Brown: STOP: anhoeren: you better stop to break my heart: you do not try: Lena Landrut: die Zaehne muessen sauber sein: wie auch die Zunge: ansonsten seit Ihr ueber alles informiert: alle: wie die Produktionen auszusehen haben: die Produktion von: Lena Landrut: Studioversion: hoert sich gut an: TopTen-Qualitaet: hat die Produktion: understand: Lena Landrut: in: Hannover: ist eine Discothek: Baghwan: da war ich in den 80�ern: immer drei Mal die Woche: ich habe unter anderem auch in Hannover bis 1995 gelebt: war unterwegs immer hier und dort: tanzen: Straight Up: sich anschauen: auch: Jennifer Brown: und: auch: girl: Kerstin Freking: dann: Lena Landrut: zeigen: dass was drauf hat: Ihr ist bekannt: dass Sie als nobody ausgebildet wird fuer die Eurovison: Grand Prix: Kuenstler warten seit 40 Jahren: damit Sie einmal dort hin koennen: dann alles Gute: nach dem sich frisch gemacht hat: sich bei mir zum Knuddeln und Kuscheln melden: nach dem die Zaehne und die Zunge auch sauber sind: long: Jennifer Brown: Kerstin Freking: ..... : ich bin nicht wie die anderen Maenner: Ihr koennet denken: alle Maenner sind gleich: nicht im Geringsten: ein anderer Mann wuerde Euch anbieten: willst Du unten liegen oder soll sich: ich bin ganz anders: ich werde unten liegen: now you know: see you later: girl you know it is true: girls: see you: step into your own life and let me enjoy you: step: and: enjoy the prise: i know you want me: you really wanna: straight to the door: come on: ther are only one life: submitted to any of my girls too: come a little bit closer: one of my favorite girls to be in my arms that is no joke: after correcting your nose: Sinem Saniye: do it right: and: do it now: understand: there is not time to loose: no correcting your nose you know the consequences no movies and no professional coming out: available to: girl: Julie Mardin: too: as a kid i broke my nose: i have to need a correcting too: you: do it right: girl: s: you know: there are only one life: Sinema Saniye: and: Ertegun/s: i must to see you and have to know all about your life and what you all are doing at that time: understand: and: new favorite girl: professional coming out: see you later: Paulina Logan: until to: Paulina Logan: favorite: see you: there are only one life: see you later: do not be confused: please: told you girl: long: now you know: see you: you got and i got only one life: proud of you: see you later: Paulina Logan: submitted to the actors: the productions must be clean: rhythm to instruments: video: single and album: cd extra: design, colors: quality: Crazy In Love: Umbrella: Girl you know it is true: come a little bit closer: i do what i like to do: do it right: see you: there are ony one life: you know: told you girl: natural hair: and: make-up: now you know: clean: step into to your own life: with the long hair in your new video so amazing: natural hair: Waiting For Tonight: see you later: straight to the door: straight to: ther is nothing to loose: told you girl: you know: girl you know it is true: your new production is O.K.: true: it�s O.K.: has grammy quality: possible to get a grammy: has quality but could be more much better: long kiss: and: and: and: now you know: step and enjoy the prise: come into my life: TR: again: step come on there only one life: see you: true: girl you know it is true: Angeliki Cordalis: i do what i like to do: come closer: there is nothing to loose: submitted to any of my girls:.....: girl you know it is true !
+
+
+ Lukas Cordalis: professional coming out: like: Sattelite to Sattelite: in quality of: Umbrella: rhythm: to: cd extra: design, colors: in quality of: Umbrella: do it right: Angeliki Cordalis: rhythm of: Tik Tok: 00:40: and: the last of: quality: Tik Tok: and: instruments of: You Are Not Alone: Modern Talking: or: the instruments of: GIRL YOU KNOW IT IS TRUE: true: Lukas Cordalis: doit right: Costa Cordalis: there are only one life: you know: there is nothing to loose: nothing: now you know: believe that: Angeliki Cordalis: you got only one life: come closer: Eva Cordalis: come closer: i do what i like to do: girls: do not think about it: i can refuse it: and: I DON`T NEED A MAN: forget it: i wanna love that: now you know: come closer !
+
+ Your husband is your husband: fight for this love: but: first of all: you know what to do: come on: come a little bit closer: i do what i like to do: long: see you later: there are only one life: until to: rhythm to video: design, colors: cd extra: must to be in quality to survive: see you: girl you know it is true !
+
+ Sade Adu !
+ +
+ + You Are My Girl See You !
+ +
+ + Come a little bit closer !
+ +
+ + Submitted to my girl worldwide to survive in a professional way you know I LIKE is not clean: Sade Clean: could be your name: Sade Adult: take my gift: an actress mus t have a given name and surname: I LIKE: try to kick: Sade Adult: my another girl: Keri Hilson: come closer: there are only one life: come a little bit closer: i do what i like to do: long kiss: and: and: and: I LIKE: there is nothing to loose: when you crossed my way: i promiss you: long: come and let me introduce: rock: in combination of pop: SADE: Soldier Of Love: PART OF ME: CC: and: Crank It UP: girl: all tracks like: with the rhythm quality of: UMBRELLA: because: it is a two grammy production: rhythm: video: design, colors: single and album: cd: extra: design, colors: quality like: if you want to survive: you have to fight for your right: one way to be in my arms: the productions must be clean: if you want to put out in a professional way: title of the album: the different album tracks: and: the different video track: or: tracks: three to seven singles: the singles and the album have the same video: cd extra: the singles have the title of the video tracks: you know: Lisa Lavie: Free Your Mind: track 1 to track 5: cd extra: you know enough: album six different tracks + the video track: the videos are for the dvd coming out: that is professional: you can take slow or not like: Soldier Of Love: your voices: slow like: Taylor Swift: on stage with: Led.....: rock: but in combination of: Soldier Of Love: like: and: you know: mix: and: remix: you can do what you like: hair natural: your hair not available try to change and try to look like a human: natural: make-up too: when you crossed my way: no refusing: forget it: i can refuse it: you can do it but: please: you do not try: there are only one life: Golden Eye: dresses: like: in: I ILKE: and: sometimes: If A SONG COULD GET ME YOU: in: blue: but you know: Elektra: now you know: step into your own life and let me enjoy you: BLACK CAT: moves: RHYTHM NATION: YOU�RE GONNA GET ROCKED: I LIKE: design, colors: quality of the video: like: UMBRELLA: Ain�t No OTHER MAN: LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING: is an eleven oscar awarded movie: video: the quality like: there are only one life: Keri Hilson: the productions must be clean: rhythm to video: design, colors: do not be confused: there is nothing to loose: come on: girl you know it is true !
This kind of crap is exactly why I stopped going to church as soon as my mom stopped making me.
From the gospel of John, omnitted letters to Jesus (21:4-7)
I ask thou though,
how doest thou art
awesome, if thou
shalt not rock?
I think it is pretty obvious now why the dear lector of Sir John 'omnitted' this part. Just replace every occurance of God and Jesus with Satan and you will get the real message of the gospel according to John!
Holy crap! Amen.
Satanists...You all are disgusting. Convert now to Jesus Christ and save yourselves... Or else I fear great harm may indeed come upon you, as likely from your own fellow devil-worshippers as from divine forces. Good day. Amen.
Just discovered your site... thank you for the great work. I'll plug you on my site... Be fun to do a bit on my upcoming radio show about this book. I used to work at Peace and Pipedreams, and will soon be running The Elves Attic. For info, and to contact me about maybe recording an interview, come to http://theelvesattic.blogspotc... Again, thank you and I'll be back. I couldn't resist saving the pictures on this article. I mean, sure, I might be doing the work of Satan, but I guess that is rock n roll...
I used to get Chick Tracts stuck on my old truck. I miss that.
As a kid I remember being scared to death by wild eyed punk rockers because of a similar campaign. I didn�t figure out it was just an act until high school. It�s pretty sad when I look back and realize my musical tastes were far off from my peers. I had no idea what others kids were rocking to. Heck, I was still spinning Beach Boys and Elvis on vinyl.
"Is it because they share the same record label as fellow pretty-boys Stryper?"
Using the Colbert transitive power of bullsh!t...
He thinks Stryper is a group pretty boys.
He thinks boys are pretty.
He's attracted to boys.
Hm, way to out yourself Mr. Godwin (if that is your real name - God + win - coincidence or transparent appeal to religion?). I wonder what your God would think of you.
This article is craptastic!
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