The Kansas City Royals are off to another tough start. The 2010 season has looked especially grim to starting pitcher Zack Greinke, the American League's reigning Cy Young Award winner.
Greinke has made seven starts and pitched pretty well in most of them. Yet his record is 0-4.
Greinke has not been able to scratch out a win for several reasons. The Royals play lousy defense. The bullpen should be remade into a detention hall. The hitters tend to flail on the days he takes the mound.
The humiliation needs to end today, when Greinke faces the Cleveland Indians at Kauffman Stadium. So the Plog sports desk has devised a list of possible incentives for the game.
Baubles should not have to be offered. Most of the guys on the Royals roster make at least $1 million a year. But these are drastic times. If fans think the season's been a dud so far, imagine if the team's best player loses interest.
1. A Hot Tub Time Machine DVD will be pre-ordered for any batter who does not hit into a double-play.
2. Manager Trey Hillman will grow his glorious mustache if the team plays nine innings of error-free defense.
3. Frequently confused third-base coach Dave Owen will be assigned to the parking lot.
Royals Hall of Fame. He drops into the water every time a Royal hits a home
run (or a triple). Interesting fact about tank: It will be filled with Royals' fans tears.
6. Three words: Free chest waxing.
7. Any player who drives in three or more runs will receive round-trip airfare to Las Vegas and dinner with George Brett at the Bellagio (crab course optional).
8. Hitters who draw a walk in today's game will be eligible to redeem an "I'm Too Hung-Over to Play Today, Skip" card at a date of their choosing.
9. Steal a base, enjoy unlimited porn on the pay-per-view during road trips.
10. Finally, if the team wins, the clubhouse gets a Blizzard machine.
Image of Greinke via the Pitch Flickr pool: Rock Chalk Jayhawk Cartographer.
Image of Blizzard via Flickr: wysgal.
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