Concerned that free Sublime tickets might not be inducement enough for someone to come forward and admit a dirty, dirty encounter with Missouri state Sen. Matt Bartle, one red-blooded Missouri businessman has kicked some cash into The Pitch's reward pool.
Gene Gruender, who owns the adult store Passion's (three locations for three times the Bartle apoplexy), has pledged as much as $1,000 to anyone who can prove having enjoyed endured illicit sexual contact with the cover-up-Show-Me-State legislator.
"I'll put $500 cash or a $1,000 in-store shopping spree toward the reward," Gruender tells The Pitch in an e-mail. "Get a big enough pot, and there is no telling what might surface. Remember when Larry Flynt put up the million? People were outing themselves!"
Gruender doesn't really think his longtime foe
is a secret sex machine, but he can hope. "Convince me it's real and
I'll pay," he says. "I really don't expect anything to be found, but it
seems fair to see if he's really living up to the standards he's trying
to put on us with the force of law. I seriously doubt we'll find
anything, but what the heck -- he's never worried about the grief he
caused me!"
Oh, and Sen. Jack Goodman? Big Louie is coming for you. A commenter claiming to be the owner of the adult-entertainment Xanadu known as Big Louie's Entertainment Complex, in St. Robert, Missouri, anted up his own bounty on the Bartle ally
last week: "I will do the same for anyone who can come up with 'dirt'
on Jack(ass)." (By the same, Big Louie presumably means Sublime
tickets.)
Tickets plus cash money? Come on, people. Results, please.
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Aside from my sophomoric fulmination at the Pitch for producing such offensive editorials, I secretly enjoy perusing the articles in search of spank bank materials. Oddly, I made it to this feature in the magazine after reading Savage Love and blowing my wad onto mom's panties, taking a breather, and refocusing on completing the exercize again with new material. I was intrigued by the picture of a guy with a ball gag- the same gag I have in my ass right now- and started to read. My owner elected to type his discourse on the article while I was at full salute with a throbbing headache. He just didn't want you guys to kinow that he was secretly turned on by a gagged guy.
Even though I'm vehemently opposed to closing strip clubs and other adult themed businesses, this is nothing short of a juvenile attempt to smear this mans name and all it will do is empower him and his supporters. This will backfire big time.
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