It's finally happened. We've finally reached the point where paying for a lap dance is actually a meaningful, necessary form of political protest. Even if you don't love strip clubs, if you love First Amendment rights you better engage in some nonviolent resistance this weekend.
Do you guys ever think about what we're doing? I mean we as Americans.
As you probably know, dancers all across Missouri have been forced to cover up under a new law that bans nudity and alcohol sales at adult-oriented businesses. (Read our feature story "Exit Boobies" for more on that.) Club owners tried to get a temporary restraining order blocking the law, at least until they got a chance to challenge it in court. An appeals court shot that down Wednesday, so now the law will remain in effect.
Kansas City strip clubs are still operating, except all the dancers have to dress in a very specific manner to avoid breaking the law -- which means an outfit that would be fine at the Jones pool is now criminal if you're wearing it on a stage with a silver pole. It's also probably created a lot of upset cops, embarrassed that they're spending valuable time measuring the location of a woman's areola -- but that's just assumption on my part.
"Some people in the middle of the state have lost performers," says Bazooka's owner Dick Snow. "We've had a couple gals go to Iowa or Kansas, but so far there hasn't been much attrition in Kansas City. I know one club in Columbia that just had a traumatic exodus of gals to Illinois.
"At this point we just proceed with our suit. So far, there hasnt been any evidence presented at this point. With all sincerity, we haven't had a minute in court to actually tell our side yet."
Snow says that business at Bazooka's was down this weekend, and he thought it was because most people thought the law had shut down the club.
"I do need to let people know we're not closed and we're not going to close," he says. "I'm getting 20 to 30 calls a day from people asking if we're still open."
At this point in the story, all you good-hearted Pitch readers out there are probably wondering what you can do to help the cause of freedom and keep an estimated 3,000 adult business employees from losing their jobs.
The answer is to get out to a club and throw down some cash. Ideally, the lawsuit to overturn this law will visit a courtroom soon enough. But legal battles like this can take years. In the meantime, it's your patriotic duty to show that you won't be told how to behave as an adult. That's not the America I love. Now get out there and make it rain with freedom. And 20s.