In the last two weeks, Charlie Sheen has bent the media universe to his will so thoroughly that his fame now carries weight equal to the sun that he has so easily replaced as center of the universe. He is less a man than a singularity -- a point of zero size and infinite density that even now drags us all inexorably into its dark heart. So why should we be surprised to hear that Kansas City, Kansas' own David Pack was found on Sheen's lawn in the middle of the night? This is the fate we all face now.
According to Radar,
Pack was found on the lawn by one of Sheen's own security people and was
turned over to the LAPD. The real cops weren't there for Pack. They were
coincidentally staging a surprise raid on Sheen's home to look for
weapons that could violate a restraining order filed by estranged wife Brooke
Mueller. The report does not tell us whether Sheen himself is
considered a weapon.
Pack is being held in Van Nuys jail on $1,000 bond. No one has yet figured out how the 5-foot-10-inch, 145-pound Pack was able to scale the walls of Sheen's estate or what his purpose was, other than being driven by the impulse that drove Icarus to fly too close to the sun.
Oh, and before I forget -- Tiger Blood, Boom, Winning, Duh, Vatican
Assassin Warlock, Bree Olson's vagina, Internet Meme's, Jon Cryer.
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Clean? Naw, they just didn't test Charlie for the right drug. He is over dosing on Viagra, there is no blood anywhere near that man's brain!
Charlie Sheen is a bad dude. He owned that scene in the police station in Ferris Buelers Day Off. I wanna go on a massive bender with Sheen.
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