In case you were looking for a barometer to quantify your complete lack of funds, the new Forbes billionaires list is out. And you're not on it. You already knew that, though. But there are quite a few Kansans and Missourians on the roster, including Kansas' most famous political puppet masters, Charles and David Koch.
Wichita's Charles, Forbes figures, is the 18th wealthiest fella on Earth and sixth in the nation, worth $22 billion. Little brother David is worth the same and, according to the magazine, is New York City's richest resident. (We can still claim him for blogging purposes, though.) Mayor Michael Bloomberg and his tiddly $18 billion can suck it!
The list notes that in addition to their ability to make money, they're
good for right-wing causes and they "hold a biannual retreat to
plot election strategy with other rich, influential Republican donors;
the latest one held at a resort in Palm Springs attracted a thousand
protesters. (Greenpeace flew a blimp over the rally, its banner reading 'Koch Brothers: Dirty Money')." Oh, yeah, that will teach 'em!
The magazine's list also includes Garmin CEO/the guy with the idea to
put a GPS units in cars Min Kao, who has amassed $1.7 billion in wealth from
the devices. Forbes describes his fortune this way: "GPS king's fortune is up $100 million as Garmin shares have risen
slightly but it's been a bumpy year. Firm moved its place of
incorporation from Cayman Islands to Switzerland this summer."
I would describe it this way: "Min Kao became a billionaire by creating the company that manufactures my freaking piece of crap
Nuvi, which commands me at least once a week to go the wrong way down my one-way street. He made $1 billion by sending me into oncoming traffic? Really?"
By far, the Missouri billionaire who seems to be having the most fun with his mountain
of cash is Columbia's Stan Kroenke, who is worth $2.8 billion. Kroenke
made a fortune off real estate then married a Wal-Mart heiress to make
the jump from super rich to gold-threaded toilet paper wealthy, has
ownership stakes in a bunch of sports teams including the St. Louis
Rams, the Colorado Avalanche and the Denver Nuggets.
Forbes also reports
he's fighting a Russian billionaire for control of the English soccer
team Arsenal, which, even if he's made some questionable moves as a team
owner, is straight-up ballsy. Russian oligarchs love controlling elite British soccer teams. Oh, to be poor and not have these problems.