With The Pitch's offices located in downtown Kansas City, I'm used to a certain amount of litter. Any urban person will tell you that a stray pop bottle or an opened condom wrapper here and there is just the visual equivalent of white noise. But this morning I saw something that made my blood run cold, and now I have to warn you all.
I regret to inform you that the city has been overtaken by the C.H.U.D. - or Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller, for those of you who didn't take ninth-grade biology.
Here is the indisputable photographic proof:
Clearly this was the work of the C.H.U.D. dragging unsuspecting Kansas Citians into their subterranean lair to regurgitate the remains, leaving only these dirty articles of clothing as chilling artifacts, a horrifying testament to the predators that scurry and breed just beneath our feet. Or we're just fucking pigs. I choose to believe it's the C.H.U.D.
Why does this blog not have a news category for C.H.U.D. alert? It's a very real problem. Wake up, sheeple! (Sheep + people = Obamunist = Obama + Communist < C.H.U.D.)
For the second time today, seriously, where's my fucking Pulitzer?
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I'm sorry Berry, that was wrong of me. You were the first to see evidence of the C.H.U.D.
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