Tomorrow morning, Kansas will wake with a jolt in a bathtub filled with ice, and a monkey wearing a fez scampering across the floor of the dirty Thailand bathroom that the state has been sleeping in. It will stagger to the mirror, mouth agape, as it considers the freshly inked tribal tattoo lining its face.
This hangover just got a lot more ... hangovery.
"I save strip clubs and gave serious consideration to a casino smoking ban?" the state shouts to an indifferent sky. "What was I thinking?"
Over the next day, using only the clues found in its pockets (an ATM receipt from Caesar's Palace, a condom wrapper, a copy of the 2007 Indoor Clean Air Act), Kansas will piece together how the state went on a bender of rational behavior, not only striking down a bill that would criminalize nude dancing but also considering legislation that would extend a smoking ban to all state-owned casinos.
A previous smoking ban stopped smoking at bars and other small businesses but, for no real reason, allowed casinos to continue with their own set of rules. If the bill passes the House, it could force a vote in the Senate that could shockingly make all state businesses subject to the same restrictions.
As of press time for this blog, Kansas had learned something about itself and its friends, and was comforted to know that at least it hadn't done anything too crazy, like legalizing gay sex.