As a butterfly flaps its wings in Malaysia and frogs rain down on Costa Rica, so it goes that Kansas City Star columnist Jeneé Osterheldt picks up her remote control a few hours before deadline and causes a flood of clichés.
In today's wet lump of rah-rah, the bromide cyborg says a friend's recent announcement of impending divorce made her think of just one thing: "channel surfing" upon one-legged wrestler Anthony Robles picking up his Jimmy V award on ESPN.
Anticipating an average reader's "Are you fucking kidding me?" forehead slap, Osterheldt writes: "I know being born with one leg might seem like a far stretch from a lost love, but here's the thing. We all have personal challenges."
Right. Because nothing cements the bonds of friendship and
affirms one's limitless potential like the verbal equivalent of handing
your brokenhearted pal an old VHS copy of Rudy.
Adhering
to her usual template, Osterheldt yields most of her summing-up space
to a quote -- this time, Robles' Nike-commercial-ready acceptance
speech. Then she drops back in: "Simply put: We all have to wrestle our
way through the obstacles in our path. No tapping out."
She's
right. And standing in the path of literate Kansas Citians are two huge
obstacles: Jeneé Osterheldt and her cable subscription.
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