Something is changing, though. You can feel it on the streets. You can see it in the faces. Or just, y’know, huff some of it from the dirty jar containing this assy-smelling Midwest Voices commentary by Hampton Stevens, a KC-based writer for The Atlantic and ESPN the Magazine.
Frankly, considering the origins of Midwest Voices as a kind of “volunteer fire department” model for the future of journalism, those are some pretty impressive professional credentials. I mean, compared with the boring housewives and Wikipedia plagiarists they used to publish.
I assume Hampton also embroiders really large throw pillows, judging by girly sentences like, “Ultimately, a city is made of individuals who might never get their names in the paper or win awards but whose effect on the life of a city nevertheless grows through time like the proverbial flap of a butterfly’s wing.” As I read that line aloud in the falsetto voice I use to make fun of Ink, it occurred to me that at some point 1,000 years ago, a butterfly flapped its wings and then one thing led to another, and then Hampton Stevens wept during a particularly dainty episode of This American Life.
Like Phil Collins, Jitterbug phone user and pop star, Hampton Stevens can feel something and it’s coming in the air tonight. The whole piece is premised on the idea that Kansas City has entered a “golden age” and also that “something is happening” or “something is changing” or “something has been growing,” by which he seems to mean some kind of vague, local zeitgeist-y deal to which he attributes a whole bunch of shit that old, rich white people enjoy, pretend to enjoy or are at least willing to endow in order to expedite their impending arrivals in heaven, presented here in a bulleted list:
And that’s just for starters. I’m not even going to mention his over-the-top praise for Quixotic Fusion aerialist Megan Stockman, which reads like the literary equivalent of the move young dudes make where they pretend they’re just stretching out their arm across their movie date’s shoulders. [Note to Megan Stockman: Hampton Stevens can be reached at oped@kcstar.com or c/o Editorial Page, The Kansas City Star, 1729 Grand Blvd., Kansas City, MO 64108, please, please, please write to him.]
Putting aside the hilarity of referencing both NASCAR and the Todd Bolender Center for the Prancing Arts as twined examples of KC’s new “Golden Age,” Hampton also cites old-white-people favorite Woody Allen (in the lede!) and the TED lecture series for fancy persons who crochet ukulele cozies while listening to LastFM. Just as all Chinese cookie fortunes make more sense if you append “in Shia LaBeouf’s ass!!!!” to the end, Hampton’s column about Kansas City’s Golden Age makes more sense if you end every sentence with “for old, white people west of Troost!!!!!”
Also, this:
We may have been built on wheat and cattle, but today creativity is key to so many of the businesses that define us. Hallmark, for example.
Head. Desk. Bang. Ow. Goddammit, Hampton.
Maybe it is a golden age for Kansas City. For middle-class people who wear Dockers and drive P.T. Cruisers, I guess. But seriously, you guys, ultimately, a city is made of individuals who might never get their names in the paper or win awards but whose effect on the life of a city nevertheless grows through time like the proverbial flap of a butterfly’s wing — for old white people west of Troost!!!!
Chris Packham is a writer for Cat Fancy, Teen Vogue and other national publications. He lives in Astoria, New York, with his dog, Blossom. What. Shut up. Reach him at chrispackham [at] gmail [dot] whatever.
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Packham is exactly the kind of Leftist/Elitist that would make me angry if such people still mattered. Mr. Packham takes an enormous{journalistic} dump on Hampton Stevens for {gulp} saying positive things about KC while passing judgment on "old, rich, white people" and "boring housewives".Funny thing is,Stevens writes for The Atlantic, and Packham writes for Cat Fancy. I think that Packham is a bitter little fool and his Che t-shirt is made of silk.
Wow. It really must suck to write for the Pitch. Oh wait, I forgot that we are talking about a rag whose only real purpose is to facilitate the procurement of professional love. I thought that particular function had been replaced by the internet years ago. I guess it does still provide neo-hipster dorks like Chris enough cash to buy some crap weed and a bag of Funions though.
Please do us all a favor Chris. First, quit your lunchtime job. You’ve never been an adequate sandwich artiste now have you? Next, clean your mom’s basement. We all know how you hate it when you get kicked out of your room. If you just follow these steps, you will have much more time to gather with your fellow d-bag buddies to plan for the next irrelevant critical mass ride and your various brain-dead pseudo anarchist activities. Stay in your lane and the shallow end Chris.
Go'in to KC:
fat people in sweat pants and crocs on the PL-ZAY. ( oh, they now have H&M, how quaint) ; shitty little farm teams..the chiefs and royals...billion dollar debt for P&L district designed to attract JOCO people and sprint center for redneck monster truck shows..and lets not forget the *f'ed up show school district and the low bro mayor...and the town that could never figure out light rail because of stupidty.
I know I have posted like 800 comments on here so far, but I am just so fascinated by what I see here. The idea that anyone would say anything positive about the city clearly provokes some sort of immense anger and resentment in some people. Yet for the life of me I cannot figure out why this gets such a rise out of a certain group of people-and these same people will vigorously defend their position as though it were a political or religious belief. I mean you really have to wonder what has made these people so mad and so passionate about this position. One can understand having civic pride or a passion for making the city a better place, yet none of this is apparent in the cynical comments posted on this page or any of the aforementioned articles. It seems that the only goal for these people is to destroy even the most minimal amount of optimism in this city. Yet it is really bizarre IMO to have this level of commitment to such a backwards thought process that has no constructive value. I really get a kick out of how this group of people will tend to single out Kansas City as though its situation is so unusual that it is the only city that has whatever problem(s) they bring up. Yet these same people cannot actually bring up specific beefs they have nor can they actually point to how these problems are any different than those faced by other cities.
If Mr. Packham lives in NY now, why did he go through the trouble to write a rebuttal about some blog editorial in a city where he no longer lives? Yet he does not bring up anything about New York such as it being one of the most economically unequal and racially segregated cities in the nation (yes, worse than KC), not to mention that Gov. Cuomo wants to spend billions to build the world’s largest convention center, despite all of this (could you imagine the hysteria if this happened here), plenty of stuff to work with here, when he writes an equally scathing article about NY I would be more than happy to listen to what he has to say about KC.
I am laughing, I'm laughing because I cannot believe that anyone actually believes this cynical bullshit about the city, personally, though if you give me racecars and a gentrified district of overpriced theme bars I'm perfectly happy. (to quote Joel Shields)
THIS. We need more of THIS. Cut the bullshit pandering "What kind of wishy washy fru fru food do you want to sip tea to?" aricles. THIS. Funny, yes, but so very, very true. So many people have their heads in the sand and quite frankly the city has been going to shit for so very long. Oh we got an arts center? YIP-FUCKING-YEE!!!
Seriously. I know more people who have up and moved in the last 5 years to get out of this hell hole because of shitty decisions and so everyone needs to cut the crap. The last person who left had these parting words with a glowing smile on his face "This city has gone to shit!!" And I could not agree more.
LOLZ! Once again, I'm banging my head on my desk that I wasted time reading an article from the Pitch. What kind of journalism is this?
wow. the pitch usually has terrible writing, but this takes the cake. what was this even supposed to be?
Oh, come on people. Stevens' piece was a lame puff piece. Packham is just balancing things out. Yes, there are some good things happening in KC, but racecars and a gentrified district of overpriced theme bars are hardly examples of a "Golden Age." The article deserved to be mocked. Stop being so touchy and laugh a little bit. Jeez.
Chris Packham's less than stellar 'personal attack' writing attempt reminds me of overaged, sophomoronic, social science, pop journalist wannabe, grad students in the 1990s and 2000s trying to to be young and cool through destructive personalized criticism. Really? Chris, do you have a 'dysfunction' or perhaps a 'size & quality' inferiority complex that you need to discuss? Please find another forum. Something against Kansas City? And, do some more interesting homework. As I recall, there's a history of dynamic journalism in the region. Stevens is a worthy contribution. Hey, I'm in Afganistan and Hampton's pieces are a primary choice of reading for many of the international crowd here (very true). Never heard of your stuff until this. I'd work on trying to get lessons from Hampton--it would likely improve your writing 'savvy'. Just sayin'...
Chris, you should really try to get out sometime and hang with more old white people. Ya' know, diversify. You may be surprised at how much broader the scope of their existence is and just how scathingly angry, elitist and racist your very tired stereotype of them paints you to be.
What a fucking BUMMER. Chris Packham, it's very easy to be the snarky author that puts others down and bitches all the time. VERY original. Oh you're so trendy and awesome, and "east of troost". Please write more articles like this, what the world really needs is to be brought down a few notches. The news is just TOO uplifting now a days. Thanks, Chris, you're a real hero.
Spoken like a true NY'er Chris.
By the way I think the yankess SUCK!
I guess someone had to ride the coattails of A.G. Sulzberger's riveting article about Kansas City. I'm still deciding who's more qualified to write about Kansas City; a New Yorker who writes for Teen Vogue, or a New Yorker who's daddy owns the New York Times...either way you both sound like fools!
Wow Chris. It's a shame you'd rather focus on a city's negative qualities (which all of them have) rather than its positive efforts (which are unique to every place). Your smug attitude doesn't make you a good writer--it just makes you sound young and obnoxious.
I guess you’ve been gone too long, Chris. Pete Bakely has never heard of you. Welcome back. :)
I don't think "Golden" and "Showers" should be allowed that close in the same sentence.
Although the act of pissing on someone describes this terrible article perfectly.
Maybe you two unrecognizable writers, whoever you are, should hug it out.
To say that somehow because there is, for example, crime in the city that somehow Kansas City does not deserve such praise is ignoring reality. I have no doubt that there are many people this city that do not live well to say the least, but that does not change the fact that this city is full of rich amenities and tremendous opportunity. On that matter, what city does not deal with crime? Even cities that are considered so fabulous by our own local media have a great deal of crime in them, and yet these cities are reaped with praise by our own local and national media, despite these same people beating KC over the head with the same numbers that would show that these cities are rather close to Kansas City in terms of violent crime. A look at those crime rankings that get covered to death around here (even though positive rankings often go ignored, but that is another issue) would reveal that Baltimore, a city often praised for its revitalization is #11, Washington is right next to Kansas City, big wonderful Atlanta is 25, Indianapolis (which one blogger on here went out of his way to praise at the expense of KC last year, despite the fact that they have spent billions on a 1000 room hotel and expanded convention center, and despite the fact that this same blogger has criticized KC for trying to do the same thing) is 30, Philly is 31 (despite national praise for the revitalization of the city center area), even big wonderful Minneapolis is 48 (this is despite the fact that our local media has praised this city to death, I have never heard them mention this fact about Minneapolis, I guess they ignore reality too.) What I am trying to say is, yes, of course the crime rate here should be lower, but to say that somehow because of the crime rate the city cannot have a "golden age" is a little absurd and, again, ignores reality.
Obviously, this Chris Packham has a buttload of street cred, that he is able to refute Hampton Stevens article merely by mocking it. it's amazing I've never heard of him before now. I can be certain that he is neither white, nor does he live west of Troost. We can tell because he writes for that hip local urban newspaper, The Pitch, the 93.3 of local journalism.
Maybe if Hampton Stevens put a caveat at the beginning of the article: "There is still a lot of fucked up shit in the city, violence and racism still exist, and Catholic priests are still raping children. Also, uh, middle class white people like this stuff...so, ya know... that means alternative weeklies (that tend to be read by middle class white people) will think this article is stupid."
To suggest KC is headed into a golden era is to ignore reality. The signs up ahead say welcome to the twilight zone.
Chris' writing and slinging of beers at The Cup & Saucer encouraged me to go forth unto thine art scene here. It was great. Learning to run zig-zag to avoid gunfire was often helpful too.
We've got the Plaza at Christmas, NASCAR in the fall, there's a little bit of white-trash in us all...with apologies to Jeff Porter.
I know, it's terrible isn't it that someone praises the city, right? God, we can't have that. In fact it is so bad that a point for point rebuttal is required. So brilliant.
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