Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Kansas City is America's 20th 'manliest city'

Posted By on Wed, Jun 13, 2012 at 8:37 AM

Wed be losing to Milwaukee in an arm-wrestling match, folks.
  • Karate By Jesse
  • We'd lose to Milwaukee in an arm-wrestling match, folks.
Kansas City would lose to Oklahoma City in a one-arm push-up contest. It would be on the floor if it attempted to go drink-for-drink with Columbia, South Carolina. And it would never take its shirt off at the beach if Memphis, Tennessee, was there with its bear rug for chest hair.

The other metropolitan areas are the top three manliest cities in the United States, according to Mars Chocolate America's fourth annual COMBOS "America's Manliest Cities," survey. The study, designed to help you think about pepperoni pizza in a tubular pretzel shell, had Kansas City slipping five spots this year from 15th to 20th (wedged between Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and Jacksonville, Florida).

If you were worried that this study was serious, the following criteria should eliminate any concern:

The study compiles manly city data such as the number of home improvement stores, steak houses and manly occupations per capita. But even if a city has a fair share of manly traits, unmanly or "girly" factors, like a high concentration of nail salons and fancy shopping boutiques can bump cities to the bottom of the list.

Now since we can buy raw lumber still dripping with sap and consume enough meat to reconstitute a herd of cattle on a daily basis, I'm assuming it's our nail salons and fancy boutiques that are dragging down the city's stereotypical male image. Let's get on this men of Kansas City, rather than take a hard look in the mirror and see something else we should be worried about fixing.
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