Monday, November 5, 2012

Romeo Crennel: 10 things you can feel confident he'll do

Posted By on Mon, Nov 5, 2012 at 11:49 AM

Next up for Crennel and the Chiefs are the Steelers on Monday night.
  • Flickr: Steel City Hobbies
  • Next up for Crennel and the Chiefs are the Steelers on Monday night.
Just as Monty Python's Black Knight once exclaimed that he was not dead yet, Kansas City Chiefs General Manager Scott Pioli sat down with KMBC Channel 9's Len Dawson Sunday night to explain why the Chiefs are still capable of biting off some kneecaps. The most interesting answer from Pioli was about head coach Romeo Crennel. Pioli explained that this season wasn't a failure of coaching but rather of execution.

"I'm still as confident in Romeo as the day I hired him," Pioli told Dawson (who, while not tough, at least asked questions).

We here at The Pitch also have confidence in the coach. So here are 10 things that you can be confident Romeo Crennel will do.

10. He will not show anger because he, like the Karate Kid, understands that "anger is the enemy." His postgame press comments will be as inscrutable as the backyard gardening advice of Mr. Miyagi.

9. He will stand stock still on the sidelines — the second coming of Art Shell or the Chiefs' version of the Royal Guard. And no penalty or situation demanding a timeout will move him asunder.

8. He will make it a point to avoid knowing how many carries Jamaal Charles has had in a given game. After the season, it will be revealed that Crennel is one of millions of adult Americans who doesn't know how to run.

7. He will keep the sign printers busy with slogans about the brand of football the Chiefs intend to play in the remaining eight games. Eventually, the locker room signage will simply implore the players to "play football."

6. He'll keep his mustache game tight. No scraggly beards or "hobo Romeo" on the sidelines this year.

5. He will not make adjustments in the second half. This will not be a failure of commitment because, unlike Taylor Swift, Crennel is never ever going to leave that game plan.

4. He will continue to be likable. This will be the most frustrating aspect of the Chiefs' ineptitude.

3. He will not break. He has watched his team cough up 29 turnovers in eight games. The Chiefs have never held a lead in regulation. He is the Keyser Soze of horrible football watching.

2. He will take the identity of the Chiefs' third quarterback to his grave. Years after Crennel's passing, Andy Studebaker will reveal that he was that third quarterback.

1. Romeo Crennel will finish that sandwich.

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