Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
You're Nearly There: Christian Sex Education for Preteens
Author: Mary Kehle
Date: 1983
Publisher: Harold Shaw, Wheaton, Illinois
Discovered at: Olathe yard sale
The Cover Promises: You're nearly there, so think about baseball. Also: Boys should wear shirts made of girls' skirts. Also: It's time for your Godly sex-talk, so bring the dog!
Representative Quote:
"Usually around twelve or thirteen, a boy will notice a 'growth spurt' and the penis and scrotum will grow larger and resemble those of his father." (page 28).
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
Butt Prints in the Sand
Author: Sam Glenn
Date: 1999
Publisher: Yakadoo Publishing, Naperville, IN
Discovered at: Trinity Lutheran Church garage sale, Mission, KS
The Cover Promises: When there was one set of butt prints, Giant Sam Glenn carried you.
Representative Quotes:
"We need to make footprints in the sands of life, and stop making butt prints! WE NEED TO GET UP!"
"We will make mistakes and fail, but BLAMING the government, the weather, or anything else does not get us to Candy Land (our dreams)."
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
If Roast Beef Could Fly and Leading With My Chin
Date: 2004; 1996
Publisher: Harper Collins; Simon & Schuster
Discovered at: Goodwill
The Covers Promise: The intimate thoughts of a man with no apparent capacity for self-investigation
Hey, Can You Tell Which Quote Comes From the Book for 4-Year-Olds?
"As you can probably tell from my burger story earlier, I have a deep love for meat, and it began early."
"Ironic but true: McDonald's was responsible for my career in comedy."
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
The New England Home Magazine
Date: April 2, 1898, and September 4, 1898
Publisher: Boston Sunday Journal
Discovered at: Whately Antiquarian Book Center, Whately, MA
The Cover Promises: The face of a young beauty is just the finishing touch for your potpourri bowl.
Representative Quotes:
"[A Hawaiian] native cannot be persuaded to argue with a white man. He seems to have an instinctive belief that foreigner is shrewder than himself. ... They have no business capacity, lacking the power to direct and control, but are trusty, faithful and apt clerks."
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
Companion Magazine
Date: July 1966
The Cover Promises: Women's magazines from 1966 look exactly like men's strokebooks from 1966.
Discovered at: Liberty Antique Mall, Liberty, MO
Representative Quotes:
"In an encounter with a male, [the English woman] is apt to be overly aggressive, to act too masculine, and nothing cools a lovesick swain faster than a woman who wears pants." (page 39).
"German women treat sex mechanically, submitting to it with the same pragmatic air that an engineer might use to survey a building's girders." (page 41).
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
Is He Straight? The Checklist for Women Who Wonder
Author: Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed
Date: 2004
Publisher: iUniverse
Representative Quote:
"If your husband spends excessive time on the internet viewing gay websites or porno, or if he watches gay porno at home, you have reason to be concerned." (page 40)
"When gay men are looking to excuse those homosexual urges, they may use the 'Abuse Excuse' when discussing the situation." (page 48)
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
Look, I totally understand the modern hankering for the handmade and the pre-industiral, for children's toys that look like they might have been crafted by elves in a workshop rather than shat out of one of those Mattel's Chinese lead-and-woe factories.
But good Lord in heaven, that's no excuse for the horrors of How to Make Soft Toys & Dolls. What is the appropriate age for furry prisoner-rendition cosplay?
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
What Girls Can Be
Author: Dean Walley, words; Maria Hughes, art
Date: None given; probably the late 1960s
Publisher: Hallmark
Discovered at: Read "Write" Training Center & Book Store, Moriarty, New Mexico
The Cover Promises: "Oh, The Places You'll Go . . . Within the Strangling Confines of Tradition."
Representative Quote:
"I might design dresses in the very latest style.It would be nice to be a bride who comes walking down the aisle."
Each Thursday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason: Knowledge is power.
The Living Animals of the World: A Popular Natural History Magazine
Date: 1901
Publisher: Dodd, Mead & Co.
Discovered at: Brass Armadillo Antique Mall, Grain Valley, MO
The Back Cover Promises: "This work was three years in preparation; everything has been done to make it PERFECT IN EVERY WAY."
Representative Quotes:
"A splendid snapshot of two black African rhinoceroses taken on the open veldt. They were afterwards shot by the party."
"The Capuchins are, in the writer's opinion, the nicest of all monkeys."
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