Subject: Gloria Squitiro

• Funk: Mortgage Debt No Sweat

  August 22, 2007

• Inside the Funk Administration

  January 4, 2008

• Daily Briefs in Brief: Funkhouser fires big complainer; Barry Obama puts his dukes up

  May 20, 2008

• Daily Briefs: Creating a hostile work environment for the news since January 2008

  June 5, 2008

• Daily Briefs in Brief: Propping up stereotypes; firing Gloria Squitiro

  June 6, 2008

• Daily Briefs: BACK TO BASICS!

  September 17, 2008

• Daily Briefs: The econocalypse continues

  September 19, 2008

• The First Spouse Club

  September 19, 2008

• Squitiro makes a sampling error

  October 8, 2008

• Trick-or-treating at the Funk-Squitiro house

  November 3, 2008

• Cooking with Daily Briefs

  November 12, 2008

• Meat Lover's Daily Briefs

  November 13, 2008

• Ex-chief of staff felt Squitiro should stay home

  By DAVID MARTIN Ed Wolf, Mark Funkhouser's former chief of staff, compared Gloria Squitiro's presence in the mayor's office to that of a mother-in-law brought on honeymoon. The comments are in a deposition obtained by The Pitch. Update: Here's a copy of the deposition. Wolf, who left the mayor's office in September, answered "yes" when asked if he felt that Squitiro shouldn't be at the office. Wolf stated that he did not make his feelings known, but another former Funkhouser adviser, communic

  November 13, 2008

• Daily Briefs: What condition my condition was in

  By CHRIS PACKHAM Now that America has elected Barack H. Obama as its President, America has come together as One People, united in a sense of common purpose, like for instance, the belief that Barack Obama is going to take away our guns, y'all; he is totally going to do that with his ATF shock-troops just as soon as he gets access to the Presidential speed-dial. So, anyway, I got a payday loan "nest-egg" from the King of Kash, and once the seven-day waiting period is over, I'm spending the whol

  November 14, 2008

• Squitiro: Campaign manager ex post facto

  By DAVID MARTIN Ed Wolf's nearly 200-page deposition has provided a lot of infotainment for people who follow the Appalachian-Neapolitan soap opera in the Kansas City mayor's office. First lady Gloria Squitiro's alleged penchant for the inappropriate and Wolf's "mother-in-law on honeymoon" money quote have received the most attention. Less eye-catching but also interesting is the discussion about Squitiro's status as a Funkhouser's campaign manager. Squitiro described herself as her husband's

  November 14, 2008

• Stealing Time: Gay marriage, Gloria, cadaver crash dummies

  By JUSTIN KENDALL Thoughts from Kansas' Joshua Rosenau challenges the notion that only people who can have children should be allowed to marry. If poppin' out babies were a pre-req, then Rosenau's widowed, 70-something grandmother wouldn't have been allowed to remarry. "Whenever I hear someone say that marriage is about procreation, I think of my grandmother," Rosenau writes. "Not just because she is a counterexample, but because her example of calm, quiet, and loving outreach to others is a g

  November 18, 2008

• Daily Briefs: Del Tha Funky Squitiro Sapien

  By CHRIS PACKHAM O Holy Econocalypse: There should be a horror movie called Black Friday, because obviously they chose to give the first shopping day after Thanksgiving an extremely creepy-sounding name. Which, no criticism, you guys, my new puppy's name is Li'l Princess Blood Feast, after the shocksploitation classic Blood Feast, by Herschel Gordon Lewis, and she's ADORABLE. I've heard some people insisting on the unbelievable explanation that, for many retailers, "Black Friday" is the first d

  November 25, 2008

• Gloria Squitiro: misunderstood NY Italian

  Codependent, oversized novelty Mayor Mark Funkhouser (as blog roommate Chris Packham would identify him) and his conjoined wife, Gloria Squitiro, made Kansas City the capitol city of "love in the workplace" (ew) when they appeared on Good Morning America this morning.An animated Diane Sawyer quizzed Funkhouser and Squitiro via satellite from their Brookside home. Funkhouser gave the usual answers about this being a 24-7 job, and repeated his claim that lots of hubbies and wives work together.

  December 1, 2008

• Daily Briefs: Comedy is hilarious!

  Today, the editorial page of The Kansas City Star expresses civic embarrassment, the only remaining emotion we have in our reserved Midwestern hayseed hearts, on behalf of the city for the Funkhouser/Squitiro appearance on Good Morning, America yesterday. And then there were depositions from Squitiro and Funkhouser in which they asserted their victimization at the hands of everyone else on the planet, and also proclaimed their love of comedy. "I find that joking around, humor, opens more doors t

  December 2, 2008

• Funkhouser and Squitiro continue TV tour on cable

  Today Fox News, tomorrow the world. After yesterday's belated Good Morning America visit with an unfortunately spasmodic Diane Sawyer, Mayor Funkhouser and wife Mary Todd Lincoln Gloria Squitiro showed up this morning on Fox News' Fox & Friends. (Co-host Gretchen Carlson called Squitiro "a trailblazer," causing Bella Abzug's ghost to spit out her Boo Berry.Other stops this week on the Mammy Streak Press Tour: A full hour on Spike TV's ManswersA pingpong match on ESPN DeportesGloria intr

  December 2, 2008

• Funk-Squitiro saga makes Detroit feel better

  Speaking of Good Morning America, let the piling on begin. So far, the Funkhouser-Squitiro icky love story has generated 81 comments. A few supportive. More negative. Some wondering why GMA neglected to mention Funk's party affiliation (Democrat) or his new home office.

  December 2, 2008

• Jezebel.com joins in on the co-mayor fun, makes jokes we stopped making a year ago

  In this post, Jezebel.com writer Megan Carpentier makes sense of all this silly Funk/Squitiro business for us dolts here in KC, who apparently were so busy feeling sympathy for Funkhouser's wife that we missed the real reason why Gloria should be dismissed from the mayor's office: "The problem is that rather than attacking Squitiro for her racist statements or standing up for the woman who was sexually harassed by her, the dudes around Funkhauser [sic] are running around spouting off sexist cr

  December 5, 2008

• Stealing Time: Troll calls Derek Donovan a douche

  It's hard out there for our buddy, Derek Donovan. The Kansas City Star's reader representative tries to explain why the daily dropped anonymous commenting from its Web site (a good move) and gets promptly called a douche bag. Guess the trolls still take their toll. Did you notice that Lewis Diuguid's column ended? News to me. Bottom Line points out that Diuguid doesn't sound happy about the death of his column. At least he still has a job.Midtown Miscreant reminds you why you should always have

  December 8, 2008

• Stealing Time: Forecasting Funkhouser's status

  State of the Line introduces the "Funkhouser Adjective Alert System," giving us a color-coded warning system of the mayor's status. "So right now we're somewhere between 'beleaguered' and 'embattled,' " State of the Line forecasts. "Let's just hope we don't reach the last two on the list." Now if we could just get some Gloria Squitiro warnings. Squit Beacon red, racist comments ahead. Squit Beacon white, bathroom rendezvous in sight. Squit Beacon blue, Joe Miller's tears flow anew.

  December 12, 2008

• Squitiro insults Asians, too

  First lady/freak show Gloria Squitiro is an equal-opportunity offender. She says dumb things to Asians, too.An unreported nugget from Joe Miller's recent deposition is his assertion that Squitiro once said, "You no like," to Joan Pu, a Chinese-born policy analyst who works in the office of Mayor Mark Funkhouser.Miller worked on the Funkhouser campaign and served as the mayor's communications director until last month. Miller, a former Pitch staff writer, was deposed by an attorney for Ruth Bates

  December 15, 2008

• Stealing Time: New Chiefs GM ... Gloria Squitiro?

  You guys thought Carl Peterson was bad. Just wait until Kansas City's racially insensitive first lady Gloria Squitiro gets a crack at running the Chiefs. FuKCedCity breaks the bad news to a beleaguered metro.

  December 17, 2008

• Daily Briefs in Brief: No time for blogging

  Since there's nobody I love more than readers of Daily Briefs except for my puppy and my girlfriend IN THAT ORDER, I wanted to express my thanks and gratitude with a traditionally indifferent e-card at absolutely no cost to myself. Obviously, this card would have been my first choice, but unfortunately the American Greetings card company's brain has GONE COMPLETELY INSANE, and they actually charge a subscription fee if you want to send personalized Flash e-cards to your contacts list. So, MERRY

  December 19, 2008

• Funkhouser: Ready for your questions

  In a week, Mayor Mark Funkhouser, the Jay Leno of Kansas City mayors, will tape the next episode of "Straight Talk with the Mayor." It's unconfirmed whether Gloria Squitiro, the Kevin Eubanks of mayor's wives, will be along to add her too-hot-for-the-29th-floor comedy schtick. Crispin Rea invites you to send your questions or comments to crispin_rea@kcmo.org by next Monday. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. -- Justin Kendall

  January 6, 2009

• Loyalty Catches On

  August 23, 2007

• Gloria Squitiro says she's writing a page turner

  The wife of oversized novelty mayor Mark Funkhouser is writing a tell-all book or two, according to Prime Buzz, which reports that shoeless Gloria Squitiro told KMBZ 980 listeners this morning that she's penning a two-parter. The first volume will cover her relationship with the Funk, and the second will focus more on Funk's first term. (Is she expecting another one?) Whatever publisher she finds will want to warm up its legal team's private jet.

  April 9, 2009

• All You Need Is Love

  January 1, 2009

• Peace, good will and other nonsense that no one around here can muster

  December 25, 2008

• Ed Wolf dogs Mrs. Mayor, and Mary Pilcher Cook hounds the Star

  November 20, 2008

• Dirty Old Town

  Notes from Pitch.com

  November 6, 2008

• Pitch Libs

  June 19, 2008

• Armchair Diagnosis

  The behavior of the mayor's wife begs an explanation.

  January 17, 2008

• Do the Hustle

  KC hip-hoppers give us a shout-out.

  December 27, 2007

• Our Offensive Gift Guide

  Still shopping for that last-minute holiday gift that will both offend and entertain? The Department of Burnt Ends can help.

  December 20, 2007

• The Two Funkitiros

  After Gloria Squitiro's recent tell-all to the Star, it's clear that the first couple needs a reality check.

  December 13, 2007

• First Lady Book Club

  Mayor Funkhouser’s wife may be learning from one of the masters.

  August 2, 2007

• Funk Star

  November 23, 2006

• Funk Star

  November 16, 2006

• Bigger news: Kavya Shivashankar winning spelling bee or Funkhouser's shitty city?

  You know what's bigger news than oversized novelty Mayor Mark Funkhouser's second -- and possibly final -- "State of the City" speech? A spelling bee. Thankfully, the huge above-the-fold photo in this morning's Kansas City Star wasn't Funkhouser smooching on wife Gloria Squitiro. The Star is still trying to sell newspapers, right? (And is "Mr. Potato Head" Chuck Eddy trying to block his view?) Kansas City StarIt was Olathe's best speller, Kavya Shivashankar, getting the big gold cup. The Scripps

  May 29, 2009

• Dear diary, Gloria Squitiro isn't as articulate as she thought she was

  We made it! Self-proclaimed "Chicken-Shit with an Attitude" Gloria Squitiro included The Pitch in her 35 page manuscript that's sure to grab the attention of book publishers looking for an unstable megalomaniac (she's tentatively title the "book" It All Started When I was Born and C'mon Funk, Move Your Ass -- Gloria Squitiro and the New Politics because it's all about Glo-Squit). Thanks to the intrepid reporters of KSHB Channel 41,  the whole diary/manuscript/whatever you call it came out M

  July 14, 2009

• Funkhouser says Gloria Squitiro's book/manuscript/diary was on a private computer

  Vulcan Mayor Mark Funkhouser skipped the NAACP National Convention this week to stay home with his sick wife, "Chicken-Shit with an Attitude" Gloria Squitiro. But Funkhouser did make his regularly scheduled "Fridays with Funk" appearance on the radio show of Chris Stigall on KCMO 710 and commented on the release of Squitiro's book/manuscript/diary.But he didn't say much. "It was not on a public computer," Funkhouser told Stigall. "A portion of it had been saved to my personal computer from her p

  July 17, 2009

• Kansas City's Top 10 places to be seen

  As people around town continue to dissect Gloria Squitiro's diary, a line on Page 17 of the manuscript caught the interest of Fat City: "We purposely met with [political consultant Jeff] Roe at Cascone's so all the world could see what we were up to," writes Squitiro. We assume she meant Cascone's Grill in the River Market, a well-documented favorite of Funkhouser's when he was auditor. That got us thinking: If you really wanted everyone to see who you're palling around with, where else woul

  July 22, 2009

• Council approves Bates settlement offer

   [Updated] The Kansas City, Missouri, council today agreed upon a $550,000 offer to Ruth Bates, a former aide to Mayor Mark Funkhouser. The measure passed 7-3, with Funkhouser abstaining.Bates filed an employment-discrimination in 2008. Her suit alleged racial discrimination and accused Funkhouser's wife and de facto chief of staff, Gloria Squitiro, of making a constant stream of crude sexual remarks.Funkhouser said all along that he would have been vindicated if the case had gone to trial.

  July 23, 2009

• Of penises and divorces: Joe Miller's Funk and Gloria story is finally up on Salon

  Gloria Squitiro and Mayor Mark Funkhouser​Joe Miller's long-awaited story about working in the Funkhouser administration is finally up on Salon. Reading the story, it's clear Miller, a former Funkhouser spokesman and Pitch reporter, doesn't care for first lady Gloria Squitiro. If you've followed the story, you probably know it all. But here's a couple things I didn't know.1. Miller spent an awkward Christmas day with the Funks. The first thing I noticed when I arrived was an array of toy penis

  September 1, 2009

• Waterboy Watch, week 1: Funk's Footballers win

  ​Not a lot to complain about after Mayor Mark Funkhouser's first week of fantasy football. Funk's Footballers defeated the Tampa Con Leches 95-85, putting Funk's team in a tie for third place. Funk is going head-to-head with big-city mayors from across the country in the Yahoo! Sports Mayoral Face-Off Fantasy Football League. His charity of choice, should he win the $15,000 prize, is the Police Athletic League. Funk's Footballers were spurred by big games from Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony R

  September 15, 2009

• Best Of Extra: The 'samurai guy in Westport'

  Rand Al Thor​You guys picked the largest mayor in the land Mark Funkhouser as the the Best Anti-hero Of 2009 in The Pitch's Best Of 2009 edition.  A fair share of you also voted for the mayor's wife, Gloria Squitiro. Also getting votes, everyone from Fred Phelps to Larry Johnson to Larry Moore (Larry Moore?) to Spider-Man. We'll tell a little more about one of the vote getters later today, but one really struck me: "samurai guy in Westport."I gotta believe that the votes for samurai guy w

  October 5, 2009