Van Halen
Friday, October 26
The Sprint Center
Better than: Valerie Bertinelli's weight-loss blog.
A crowd roughly the size (and appearance) of Independence, Missouri, poured into the Sprint Center last Friday night to worship at the altar of once-lusty '80s guitar rock kings Van Halen, fronted this time around by original bitch-on-the-mic David Lee Roth.
Side note: I would not go see Van Halen unless Diamond Dave was there. I'm pretty sure that man was the main reason my parents wouldn't let me watch MTV in the '80s. His persona was so lecherous and trashy that him simply dancing around, doing the scissor kicks in a pair of tights and what not, mooching at the camera, etc etc inspecting women... hell, him just being himself was an affront to moral living. His successor, Sammy Hagar, on the other hand, to me, was just a chubby red dude with a porcine howl. By the time For Unlawful Carnal Kabbage and its flagship video Poundcake came out in 1991, my parents didn't give a crap what I watched. VH and all those other bands had become so ineffectual by then that watching them made kids hate rock and roll. (Hence the rise of gangsta rap.) So, all that's to lament how Friday night at the Sprint Center, I made the mistake of expecting Dave to be entertaining -- or even really part of the show -- but more on that in a minute.
Fan footage of the night's show.
Anyway, before the show, my companion the Ginger Man and I hit the Kansas City Cafe on Grand Street for a few drinks. Hilariously, they had Sammy Hagar's Cabo Wabo 100% blue agave tequila available. We did shots. Pretty smooth stuff. Then we drank about five beers apiece and did a couple more shots while watching the broadcast of a professional wrestling match that had (again, hilariously) been filmed at the Sprint Center three days prior (Finlay, why must you be such an asshole!?). In addition to wrestling on the flatscreen and really really nice servers, the KC Cafe offered a great deal on an all-you-can-eat buffet targeted specifically at arena goers. For about $12, you get to pop in, eat fast, good food, pop out. Next time I'll do that instead of wolfing down a gyro from the sad, sad deli across the street, where there was either ketchup or blood on the toilet (or both) and a very sociable roach crawling on the wall.
Ginger and I were pretty lit when we passed through the metal detectors. He, having no worldly possessions, got through fine, but I was stopped because I had car keys and a cigarette lighter, because you don't see Van Halen without a real lighter -- fuck that cell phone glow. Walking around the main level of the tire-shaped arena was like being in a dream. There was a noisy throng of people in denim and black shirts and actual, honest-to-God mullets. There were QuikTrip stands all about the place, selling snacks and syrup-enhanced drinks and bottled water and magazines and nachos and wiper fluid and gas -- OK, not all of those things, but there were QuikTrips inside the arena, I swear. And at the resident concession stands, the employees wore black and yellow Sprint polo shirts, making them look like retail-store salesmen who didn't sign up enough unsuspecting fools for seven-year contracts and were demoted to the arena to sell giant, $7 light beers. We just kept walking and walking. We'd walk one way and get lost, find an ATM, find a bathroom, walk the other way, get lost, need an ATM, a bathroom, and so on. That lasted about 12 minutes, but, man, it felt like hours. We missed opening act Ky-Mani Marley, who couldn't have played more than 30 minutes, unless he started well in advance of 8 p.m., the start time on the tickets. In one bathroom, I heard a bald man with a goatee (the anti-mullet, apparently) bellowing, "A REGGAE ACT? WHAT KIND OF ACT WAS THAT TO OPEN FOR VAN HALEN!??" That wasn't as bad as what Ginger was yelling, which was "PANAMAW!" in lieu of "excuse me" anytime he needed to pass through a line of people on his way to an ATM, bathroom, or slushie machine. I started doing it, too. We were officially pumped.
Inside, the arena was crawling with people like a sticky punchbowl overriden with ants. A small dirigible stamped with the VH logo floated overhead with a camera attached to it, maybe 20 feet over the floor. The people on the fifth level of the arena were probably over 100 feet above the floor. Make that 1,000,000 feet. That place is big. Ginger and I had seats on the floor, about four rows back from the large circular thrust that extended from the stage, forming an enclosed pocket right down front for the really important people, who didn't look important or interesting at all. As Ginger put it, the effect was "MTV VMAs: Lee's Summit."
Soon enough, the lights went down, David Lee appeared atop the stage a bullfighter-like jacket waving a flag like he was Jean Fucking Valjean, and the mighty Van Halen launched into "You Really Got Me," the band's famousest cover song.
What ensued was rather grotesque, and not in an interesting way. Eddie, shirtles, wiry, shorthaired, clad in camo pants and red high tops, was the star of the show. And he truly is a monster guitar player; he can wring supernatural sounds out of his guitar merely by waving his hands inches over the neck. He had played so hard by the end of the show, curled up and sweating over his guitar that he looked like a barbecued shrimp. His 16-year-old son, Michael Anthony -- oops, I mean Wolfgang -- meanwhile, held down stage right, doing a pretty good job on backup vox and playing pretty good bass.
Between father and son, DLR stalked about, the whole time smiling so hard his neck muscles looked ready to snap, trilling the final note of each phrase with his patented wild-man-coyote jaw flap, and overall looking about as rock and roll as International Male. The camera projecting images of the band and crowd to the three-story screen behind the stage would occasionally fix on the drummer, only to reveal Sydney Pollack in a wig chugging away tirelessly on the snare and double-kick.
It's not anyone's age that was grotesque, it was rather the band's refusal to be great, to have faith in rock and roll rathen than wallow in their own bloated egos, and constant-victim mentalities. They need to get over themselves, Eddie and David especially. WAAAAAY over themselves. Or maybe they just need to throw down once and for all on stage -- I swear I saw DLR mouth a snarling "thank you" to Ed early in the show after the latter had horned in on the former's microphone for a duet bit. And Eddie Van clearly loves playing on a stage with his little Wolfie Van, but we don't need to see that. We want a man and his band who will rock out, get wild, get down, wreck shit, and get the girls' tits out -- THAT is the spirit of Van Halen. Not an emaciated, shirtless, middle-aged man fawning over his chubby kid in between guitar licks (at one point, they pawed at each other's guitars and E. kissed W. on his head).
The most imaginative moment came during the final encore song, "Jump," when DLR brought a ten-foot long inflatable microphone onto the stage and bounced on it like a retard. What does a ten-foot inflatable microphone have to do with anything?
Well, shit. I've gone into righteously indignant young man mode. Sorry, all you old people reading this and hating me. We all already know Van Halen hasn't rocked in 20 or so years; what am I doing excoriating them for being jaded wankers on stage? They maybe had fun, they played well, and most of the people in the huge crowd saw whatever show they went in wanting to see.
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Most of the pix on the bathing suit model seem to be beautiful. Realize that you have performed a great job addressing modern fashions for 2010 and beyond. The summertime will tend to be right here before all of us know it and also we tend to will almost all be in the market for swimsuits like the the ones in those ınformation. Sports Illustrated basically came out with the bathing suit edition and we will just about all be struggling to find bikinis which includes bikiniss of your actual story.
The telling sign this reviewer was a dolt was his mention of watching wrestling at a sports bar. Now that is high comedy!!!
Everyone is untitled to there opinion, but this guy takes adjectives to a new level. As I said, this review is comedy gold!
As I was typing 'mustang' into the box bellow to assure the web servers that I am not a evil internet bot out to set fire to this blog, I thought came to mind (actually many, but here is the main one): If you use the name 'DanHalen' to comment on a concert review of the band Van Halen, well, we can't honestly expect an unbias comment now can we? Sorry 'teddy van halen' same can be said for you. Point being, I feel bad that this entry is taken up with so many 'fanboyish' comments because I found the entry to be ever so comical. If you do feel that you must defend Van Halen while sitting at your computer desk, please do it here:
http://defendvanhalen.livejour...
Aside from the original rantings of the obvious AA candidate. The reason, for most everything is $$$$..um doh... ya know.
I think the reason we don't see any change in set lists or clothing is the Great 1/4 original, 3/4 inevitable LIVE DVD! One can only hope... Please,no editing nightmare like RHRN ugh!!!!VANHALEN is very educational, in many ways
This review totally sums up the state of the media, press and the music industry. That is; YOU are the star now!!!!!!! From the little you gave about the whole show, it was all about you. I couldn't care less about your pre-show drinking session (tell me something I don't know, boring!!) and how much of a MAN you want everyone to think you are! I guess judging by your up bringing you missed the party and are very bitter about it now. The real die hard VH and Rock fans totally understand what the band has always been about. It would be 'cringe worth' if VH tried to recreate what they did 20 years ago. VH ain't no Peter F*$^king Pan!! Let's face the fact's, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT & YOU MISSED OUT!!! Don't take it out on VH, take it out on your parents or give yourself some balls while your at it!! But all you are is a immature adolescent that has no given talents yet thinks is a STAR!! STAR of what? Who gives a shit!!! Now back to listening to Britney you loser!!!! She might just out-drink you, she has some talent after all.
this guy is a douche....anyone who has a blog and writes rock reviews on it has the menatality of a five year old.
ps i hope that gyro gave you the runs so hard you shit yourself when you laughed with glee at your gay little 'review'. eat shit and die billow biter
I WISH THE BOYS WOULD CHANGE UP THE SHOWS AND SONG LIST ALITTLE BIT//MAYBE A CHANGE OF CLOTHING ///SAME PLAYLIST //SAME CLOTHES SAME ANTICS FOR EVERY SHOW???CHANGE IT UP FRESHEN IT UP ///VAN HALEN USED TO BE VERY SPONTANIOUS!!!!//MAYBE IT'S THE LACK OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL????? WHAT DO YOU THINK????
Nice review, douche.
Aside from the fact that you should take yourself back for a 2 week refresher in high school English to brush up on your grammar, the review came from somebody who OBVIOUSLY wasn't allowed to watch videos as a kid.
What your parents deprived you of was seeing VH in their glory days...and while I don't agree with Mikey not being on tour, the guys are doing the best that their ages allow.
You say EVH and DLR need to get over themselves? That's a Corky Thatcher retarded statement. The fact that they're on tour together and it hasn't been cancelled is proof enough that they're over themselves...for now.
Stick to what you know, son. If you were a real Van Halen fan, liking the show or not, it would have shown through your mindless dribble. But it didn't...and now a bunch of us are wasting time your blog. What a country.
your 28 and dont know jack shit about what real music is. if you cant deal with BIG SHOWS then dont go smart ass . you want woman on stage? since your into 80's vid's check out MOTLEY CRUE not VAN HALEN. go raid your daddy's closet for he's album's, maybe he know's good music. until then, i think you should go get the first 4 V.H.c.d's and do your homework jr.
It's unfortunate that you feel the ned to drink multiple shots and pound down 5 beers before you see a concert, but thats your own problem. The fact that you went to see Van Halen in their 50's expecting to see the same concert that they would have done in the 70's and 80's speaks volumes right there. I went expecting a better show and thats exactly what I got. I am no longer the immature adolescent that had to be half in the bag to enjoy a concert. I have grown up and maybe you should too.
I think you need to get over yourself! Who the Fuck are you???? What have you done?????What do you like? I dont care what you like!!! Fuck you !!Asshole!!!
For the initiator of this post.....to even think that VH could replay their 80's prime "big hair", "boyish" stage presence......that would be like expecting Joe Greene, LC Greenwood, Jack Hamm, and Joe Greene's son take the field and set up the steel curtain! C'mon man! Let this generation live in the moment and let yours be able to say they've had the chance to see a legendary band. For us, it's worth it. For you, you have to expect some shortcomings. I'm out.
This review is some of the best satire I have ever read....and accurate to the writer's opinion!! Kudos for this kind of honesty in journalism....BUT....I'm a fan that has witnessed live Van Halen from 1978 till today and I have no expectations of seeing the new tour in terms of "a man & his band who will rock out, get down, wreck shit, and get the girl's tits out...". After all I have seen, heard and been through as a VH fan since 1978....I realize the best I can expect out of these guys is something that might bring back a vague recollection of how great they once were opening for Black Sabbath. They are no longer hungry for the live performance (lost in about 1983) or out to prove anything to anyone...they don't have the drive for that. At thier age they have written iconic "get down" tunes, wrecked enough shit, seen plenty of tits and set the bar for other rock bands to strive for. They probably don't care to see an audience full of 45+ yr old tits...although it would be fun to watch Wolfie get through the show. If I decide to pay for another trip down memory lane I expect to see a bobble-head DLR acting stupid but happy to be banking again, Eddie's love affair with himself and his son and Alex just getting through it all. I am hoping that some of the tunes I have not heard live since 1983 will bring some kind feeling beyond "damn, screwed again!". The key to every review of this tour is the individual expectation of the concert goer, and was it realistic. This band is not even close to a 1978 version of rock & roll VH excitement....but if you're lucky you'll hear something that might remind you of the greatness that was and has yet to be matched by any band of the 90's or beyond. For all event reviewers under 45 tasked to write about Van Halen 2007, it would be best to watch concert footage of the 1981 Fair Warning tour....realize how old it is and keep what you see today in perspective.
the deal was with the technical probs - Dave couldnt hear himself - Eddie tried but didnt complete Cathedral - I saw em 2 nights b4 in MN and it was a diff show -It was freakin GREAT!! Of course if you were expecting Dave to do the splits ten feet above the stage off the drum riser - than u were not really thinkin about his age - 10yrs ago this would have been the show u wanted - today it was the show we got and thank God we got even this!
Personally, I loved the show as did the group that I went with. And we all thought it was worth the ticket price. Sorry to hear you didn't have the blast of a time that we experienced. I guess you can't satisfy everyone though.
Sure, I have a different set of expectations than people who are older than me and have been fans of the band for decades, but doesn't that make me more objective?
Is it unfair to expect legendary performances from legendary performers?
You couldn't pay me to go see the bands aimed at my demographic, which, being 28, probably is closer to Nickelback than Avenged Sevenfold. Instead, I want to see bands that have impacted the culture rather than just sold tons of records (and the two aren't mutually exclusive). So when they put on a mediocre show, they deserve to be faulted.
Are you being sarcastic about Avenged Sevenfold? Because if that's a genuine recommendation, I might check it out.
I'm 28, uncle, and I don't know what to say about demographics. I know people in their 30s who think Blue October is the shit. I know kids under 20 who worship the Stooges and MC5. I know of an over-40s metal promoter who works with musicians ranging in age from 18 and 50+. There's no accounting for taste, not even a person's age. But still, the reality is that with the majority of people, you can draw lines between demographics and choices in entertainment consumption.
My problem is that I'm not complacent enough to enjoy myself at big shows. I want a cultural event! And I think it's possible for bands to deliver that if they give a shit. Remember Pink Floyd, Division Bell, 1997? Every tour U2 has put on?
Many people, it seems, are happy to pay hundreds of dollars to see their Old Faves play the Old Hits by rote. The connection was already made long ago; it just needs a bit of fuel. My connection to Van Halen was through MTV in the 80s, seduced by their television image. That was them at their best. They shoulda had stacks of 800 TVs backing them up on stage Friday night, parades of women in bikinis -- hell, put on a local beauty pageant at every tour stop.
Or just play with a little more FIRE. Van Halen's not what they were once cracked up to be.
Worth every penny. Best show ever. DLR and Eddie were amazing. Non stop for 25 songs!! Name me a lame ass band circa 1991 and newer that could do that...AND engage the crowd the entire time? None. That's why they are the mighty VH and you, ass hole, worship Nickelback.
Jason, you must be under 30, right? Sorry the show didn't live up to your pre-adolescent memories. But keep in mind those guys were in their late-20s when they made those videos. They're in their mid-50s now. The fact that they're sharing such a rich catalog of material and performing it sentimentally and age-appropriately (but very well) is a plus. If you want to see some rock performed with your demographic in mind, let me suggest Avenged Sevenfold.
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