It's Earth Day, music junkies. So after you've taken the trash you forgot to set on the curb Sunday night to a nearby apartment complex dumpster and gone to work, where you will never again flush after No. 1, peruse the following list of ways you can become a certifiably green music consumer.
Part I: The Concert Season
1. Plan to see shows at the greened-up Sandstone this summer.
2. Donate all of your seeds and stems to Willie Nelson so he can turn them into biodeisel for his bus.
3. Should you ever find yourself on Dave Matthews' tour bus (and who doesn't, at one time or another?), don't use the loo.
4. Shit in the woods (rather than in portapotties) at all outdoor music festivals. Wipe with a leaf.
More conservationalisticexpialadociousness after the jump.
Part II: Unwanted CDs.
1. Rather than throwing unwanted CDs into a nearby apartment dumpster, slough them off for cash at a used CD store, ignoring the eyerolls of the employees at seeing the shit you bought in the '90s.
2. Take the ones you're unable to sell to the 3 Trails Recycling Center (91st & Hillcrest Rd. in the Wal-Mart Parking lot, east of Bannister Mall), which will convey to a fitting final resting place your Andrew Lloyd Webber for Lovers boxed set.
3. Turn them into a disco ball.
4. Avoid solid waste altogether! Buy music online! (Sorry, sorry, sorry, struggling record store owners of the metro area.)
5. Buy Jack Johnson's latest CD. (Recycle later. Or immediately.)
Part III: Local Musicians
1. Write good eco songs so that Melissa Etheridge's godawful theme from An Inconvenient Truth need never be played again on 90.9 The Bridge.
2. Recycle scavenged articles of junk into instruments, a la EIO.
3. Never change your strings. Wait, you're doing that anyway.
4. Don't make albums. Ah, you're on top of that one, too.
5. Don't bathe every-- oh.
6. Go hunting with Ted Nugent. Kill Ted Nugent.
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I take great offense at #6.
Ted Nugent has done more for "greening" the Earth in the past month than you have done in your entire life. God knows how many trees he has planted on his property over the last 40 years. I garuantee you it is in the 1000's. His constant upgrade of wildlife habitat is uncompariable to any "tree-hugger/save-the-planet" do-gooder.
So, next time, call Ted up and let him know he is a danger to Nature, instead of making threats. I'm sure he will tell you to "Bring it on".
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