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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Videorama!

Billy Ocean's Alien Lanes, or WTF is going on in "Loverboy"?

Posted by Jason Harper on Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM

I just had some DEEP MEMORIES triggered, y'all. It's late on a freezing Monday night, right? Ad I got this song going through my head, don't know who by or anything more than the chorus and some of the beats. Naturally, it's not hard to find just by Googling a few lyrics. I find the video.


Holy. Fuckmeat.


This video is insane. I must have heard the song a bunch of times growing up but seen the video only once, and at a very impressionable age, no less, because I totally remember there was this freaky-ass, dripping-fang, mucus-y alien pop video on MTV waaaay back in the day, but I haven't bothered looking it up until now. Didn't realize what it was. Oh, shit.


The only plausible theory I can come up with on the making of this video was that some post-Star Wars creature shop wanted to do a video, so they contacted some big record company. The big record company said that Emerson, Lake and Palmer weren't really active at the moment, but they did have this new guy: Billy Ocean. "He needs a video for his new single, 'Loverboy,'" said the major record company.

"OK then," said the creature shop. "We're gonna do Mr. Ocean a solid." After the jump, a discussion of the history that was then made, with lots of pictures like this:

billy_alien_fat_thumb_400x309.jpg

Bllaaaahhhhhhhggghhh!



First of all, this video is not just a ripoff of Star Wars, though it is certainly a ripoff of Star Wars. (Exhibit A: Jawa lookalikes:



It is also a ripoff of the Genesis song and video "Land of Confusion." Or, wait a minute, maybe it's the other way 'round. After all, Phil Collins does make a cameo in this video.

billy_alien_phil_thumb_400x317.jpg

I'm just not sure which video came first, chronologically, Ocean's or Genesisises's. Or if there's even any way to tell. 

Moving on, we have Mr. Ocean cast as a black Han Solo -- not Lando Calrissian mind you! Lando, though of African-Alien descent like Billy Ocean, favored earth tones and muted blues. Ocean is here clad in black vest and puffy white shirt, just like Han.

billy_solo_thumb_400x309.jpg

Throughout the video, Ocean sings off stage, as it were, away from the alien cantina action that makes up the plot. He is contained in a floating video pyramid that was spliced in later, probably because Billy Ocean is afraid of monsters. Basically, what happens is this hybrid seahorse-guppy-man rides up on a horse to an ocean cave inside of which is a Mos Eisley like bar full of aliens. Therein, he finds his lady love.

billy_alien_love_interest_thumb_400x305.jpg

He's a big Dark Crystal fan, you know. But wait, she's with another dude! 

billy_alien_love_and_villain_thumb_400x311.jpg

Closeup:

billy_alien_villain_thumb_400x311.jpg

Oh shit, it's Mick Hucknall! What's he doing here? Our hybrid man-fish hero is not happy. Oh pain!

billy_alien_hero_thumb_400x311.jpg

As the other aliens, including Richard Moll from Night Court

billy_alien_richard_moll_thumb_400x309.jpg

and one of the robots from Mystery Science Theater look on, 

billy_alien_janky_robot_thumb_400x307.jpg

and as Billy, of course, sings, our hero plays a mad synth solo, kills Hucknall with his blaster, and spirits away the babe on his knightly steed.

billy_escape_thumb_400x308.jpg

That's about it, really. There's not that much to the song, after all -- it's just a bunch of I wanna say "Yeah" and I wanna be yo' lover-type declarations. But, oh man, what a video.

And once again, Phil Collins!

billy_alien_phil_thumb_400x317.jpg


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Comments (6)

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I am guilty in enjoying this video; Lewis Black said that videos ruin music... I disagree. Its all very voyeuristic.

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Posted by Granddad2002 on June 24, 2011 at 9:02 AM

Having read your article, has learnt suited for itself a a pile of the new. Unfortunately, something has not understood. Where you took this poop and where it is workable to read more?

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Posted by ion31 on May 5, 2010 at 3:27 PM

Outta My Dreams,

I'm nearly in tears! I remember Dog Police from the early '80s. They had some sort of viewer submission contest on MTV, and this steaming pile won. Beautiful.

Also, seeing the video makes me wonder if Dog Police was an early side project for Wayne Coyne.

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Posted by jjskck on December 16, 2008 at 1:05 PM

While this vid's clearly bonkers, it doesn't have shit on Dog Police's song of the same name, Dog Police. It's the most offensive, puzzling, gratuitously not necessary exercise in misogyny and 80s synth rock ever.

BEHOLD:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

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Posted by Outta My Dreams/Into My Car on December 16, 2008 at 12:51 PM

yay for stupid things!!!

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Posted by guz on December 16, 2008 at 10:52 AM

What a glorious video! We've got a beautiful California beach, King Arthur's horse, aquatic aliens, blobular aliens, aliens wearing turtlenecks, a black Han Solo, the lady from the Dark Crystal, a robot and the perfect setup for tender lovemaking betwixt species.
Makes total sense.

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Posted by LP on December 16, 2008 at 9:56 AM
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