As soon as I get it, I'll post the schedule for this Sunday's Pitch Music Awards Ceremony. In the meantime, here's a schedule for the VIP pre-party for the nominees and guests. (NOTE: All nominees must RSVP now if you haven't already. Like NOW now.)
6 p.m. - Doors open.
6:07 p.m. - Doors still open.
6:11 p.m. - Cars pass, crickets chirp.
6:13 p.m. - The Hearts of Darkness drive up, Joad-family-style, piled in the back of a flatbed truck. Truck has no breaks; Hearts end up in a California peach orchard.
6:15 p.m. - Skatterman and Snug Brim roll up in wrapped Hummer. (However, since parting ways with Strange Music, they have been forced to scale down, so the Hummer is wrapped in a giant tortilla.)
6:18 p.m. - Mark Lowrey arrives, still drunk from his gig the night before, makes beeline for hot wings buffet.
6:22 p.m. - Brody Buster arrives, is not on guestlist because he didn't RSVP, cries into harmonica, which creates an entirely new, super-emo form of the blues.
6:24 p.m., NYC - Don Draper takes Which Mad Man Are You? Quiz on Internet; finds out that he's Don Draper.
6:27 p.m. - Darren from In the Pines receives a phone call informing him that he's Miley Cyrus' real dad.
6:35 p.m. - Pitch photographer Forester Michael arrives, smokes cigarette, takes a picture of David Wayne Reed's crotch, which is also somehow smoking a cigarette.
6:37 p.m. - Greg Enemy arrives, also is not on list, finds kitty door in back of Uptown and darts through in his magical Keds.
6:44 p.m. - Skatterman and Snug Brim eat Mitch Rich in a giant tortilla.
6:45 p.m. - 7:45 p.m. - Upstairs bar is slammed with two-fisted drunken scenesters.
7:50 p.m. - Hammerlord lays you.
7:59 p.m. - Gornography agrees to become the new backing band for the Wild Women of Kansas City.
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