click to enlarge
No bar in the city makes more money off me than Harry's Bar & Tables. Partly, this is due to its drinks being a little on the pricy side. But I view those $3.50 Budweisers as a premium I'm paying for reliable darkness, bartenders who remember me, a generally laid-back clientele and the best patio in the city. The restrooms? Well, let's have a looksie.
I'm at Harry's twice a week, no question. Rough estimate: I have urinated there at least 500 times in my life.
My loyalty to Harry's is unassailable. However. The restroom situation is inconvenient. For one, you have to trudge up a flight of stairs to get to the restrooms. Worse still, the stairs are in plain sight of everyone in the bar. So even though most likely nobody is paying any attention to how stupid you look, you can't help but feel as though you are being watched and laughed at as you lurch up and down the steps. (Provided, of course, that you are demented and paranoid.) It is hard to look cool on stairs.
Once you're in the men's, there's very little room to navigate. To get to the more distant of the two urinals, you either have to wait until the person at the closest urinal finishes, or risk awkwardly rubbing up against him on your way over there. (This is similar in nature to
the situation at the Stagecoach.)
No shelf above the urinals, either. You see where the blue part of the wall meets the black part of the wall in the corner there? That little white spot? That is where I set my drink while I urinate. The tiny ledge cannot support a drink all by its own, but when it is teamed with an intersecting tiny ledge -- as it is in the corner -- a cautious balance can be achieved.
Another option involves the use of the urinal handle. In the photo above, the handle is in a vertical position. But sometimes it is horizontal, in which case you can set your bottle or glass on the handle and lean it against the wall. Again: not ideal. But Harry's is a loved one, and you forgive the flaws of those you love. And these are minor flaws.
Way on the far end of the patio, behind the bar, there is a secret restroom that I rarely think to use and neglected to photograph. But from inside that restroom, through a shield of open-air blinds, you can peer out onto the Buzzard Beach/Dueling Piano Bar parking lot and spy freely. For a public masturbator -- I am not one, but I like to think I understand the allure of it -- it is hard to imagine better accommodations.*
*Persons caught masturbating at Harry's Bar & Tables will presumably be arrested.
