5. The Ever-Jaded Hipster
I know everyone experiences shows in their own way, but the "I'm so jaded," emotionless boredom is a downer. On the upside: People feel obligated to make up for Mr. Sour Puss' lack of enthusiasm and dance all up in his business -- thoroughly bothering him -- which is hilarious. Fortunately, the Ever-Jaded Hipster is the most harmless of the bunch and is easy enough to ignore. If his ambivalence is really getting to you, try dancing up on him -- maybe he's just shy and will come out of his shell. If not, you'll probably just drive him to the back of the venue; so, it's a win-win situation.
4. The Tall Dude With No Tall-Dude Guilt
I have tall-dude guilt. I stand a solid 6'2", and when I'm going to a show I typically make sure not to stand in front of folks. If I'm going to a show for a band I really like and need to be in the front row, my tall-dude guilt negates itself by my fierce rocking-out. If a tall dude wants to rock out and be up front, odds are he will be bending down a little bit to simulate an air guitar or something. However, worse than the ever-jaded hipster: the tall dude who is standing in the front row for the sake of standing in the front row. He is a scourge to everyone around him. Granted, these short people could just, you know, grow a little bit -- but since that's asking a lot, tall dudes need to understand the plight of the five-foot-tall girls at shows, and everyone else who has to stand behind them.
The band has decided to take it down a notch and move the set into slow-jam territory. At this point in the show, you can expect everyone in the audience to let out all the pent up conversation that the band has been so rudely stifling. We're not talking "Oh I love this song" chatter to thy neighbor -- that's perfectly acceptable. We're talking "So Stacy got so drunk she's a slut yeah uh huh like totally" chatter. For those who have expereinced this (see: all of you), you feel singled out as the only person in the venue who has any respect for the band you (and, supposedly, they) came to see. It's best to be proactive about this and politely ask the people in your general vicinity to cease conversing, but if that doesn't work, just tell them to shut the fuck up. They'll give you a look, and they'll act pissy about it, but they do tend to shut the fuck up, allowing you to listen to your sad-core in peace.
2. The "Photographer"
I'm not against taking pictures at shows; but honestly, pick a song, take three pictures and then just let it be! If you want to spend the whole show discreetly taking photos, that's fine. But when you hold the camera up, people behind you are always gonna get pissed. They want to watch the show on the stage with their own eyes, not through some little doucher's crummy digital camera.
1. The Harasser