The WWE's annual battle royal (not royale -- they know their demographic), the Royal Rumble, takes place this Sunday on Pay-Per-View. This year's Rumble is notable, as it's the first in the event's 24-year history to feature 40 entrants, as opposed to the traditional 30. Considering the historical significance of the change, we'd like to present some songs dedicated to the grapplers and high-flyers of the squared circle.
Does it really surprise anyone that Venusian rockers Valient Thorr have a song dedicated to wrestling? While most of the songs on our list deal with specific individuals, the Thorriors instead have created a song celebrating the in-ring antics of all wrestlers. Naming no fewer than 15 moves (powerbomb, DDT, body slam, etc.), "No Holds Barred" is about every person who's stood on the turnbuckle, looking out on the "thousands below."
Skankin' Pickle's "Hulk Hogan" is written from the perspective of the man with the 27-inch pythons (although not necessarily in the manner of the Hulkster you're used to seeing on TV). They're talking about the wrestler Hulk Hogan, not the reality star. I'm pretty sure the in-ring Real American wouldn't candidly confess of his hair loss: There goes another 60 strands / Out into the screaming fans. Then again, he's the same man who flashed his junk in front of his daughter during a video game commercial, so he's not exactly bashful.
We could've easily picked any of a number of Antiseen's songs. They've dedicated songs to the homicidal, suicidal, genocidal Sabu, as well as fork-wielding hardcore wrestler and BBQ joint owner, Abdullah the Butcher. However, "Cactus Jack" is a perfect homage to the man best-known not so much for wrestling as his ability to take a beating and keep getting up. In the years since this homage, Cactus Jack (aka Mrs. Foley's baby boy, Mick) has become a New York Times bestselling author with his autobiographies Have A Nice Day! and Foley Is Good.
While "Nature Walk" by T-Willz might not be the best song on the face of the planet, it's fairly notable in being one of the few hip-hop songs about wrestling. Granted, Method Man did drop some similarly-themed rhymes on his track, "Know Your Role," but as that was commisioned by the WWE for their Aggression album, it's a bit commercially suspect for this list. But the underground hit from the Dallas rapper manages to capture the swagger of the Nature Boy, Ric Flair, as well as throwing in wrestling references left and right.
When Kansas City's Hammerlord released its album Wolves At War's End last year, we singled out "Tombstone Piledriver" as one of the album's standout tracks. The ode to the Undertaker manages to reference not only his signature finishing move, but his legacy as the Demon From Death Valley, as well. The Undertaker has always been portrayed as a man who's something akin to a creature from beyond the grave, which fits in nicely with the horror movie iconography within which the 'Lord so effectively moves.
Songs by wrestlers were disqualified for inclusion on this list. Sorry to John Cena, the Wrestling Boot Band, Maria Kanellis, Lillian Garcia, Macho Man Randy Savage, Fozzy, and the Luchagors.
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Ack. The WWE must have an influx of random-dudes-with-totally-boring-names-and-no-wrestling-personality-or-cool-costumes going on. What's so wrong with wrestler's having some insane personality like a demented dentist or any of Mick Foley's wonderfully diverse and totally fucking insane personas? Why does everyone have to look like a UFC reject these days! SIGH SIGH SIGH *ireallywishicouldstillwatchwrestlingbutallthosemarinelookingdudeswhorefusetowearfacepaintjustpissmeoff*
"Badsreet USA" got its own post a year and a half ago: http://blogs.pitch.com/wayward...
Michael PS Hayes weeps for the disqualification of the Freebirds' Bad Street USA.
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