Monday, March 7, 2011

Creed and four other '90s bands that definitely shouldn't reunite

Posted By on Mon, Mar 7, 2011 at 8:58 AM

Uck. The Spice Girls.
  • Uck. The Spice Girls.

Remember when people were hailing Hanson as the next Beatles? Or when the Spice Girls' Spice World cashed in $75 million dollars at box offices worldwide in 1997? We'd rather not. Here are five '90s bands whose music -- and memories -- should remain lodged forever in the murky depths of nostalgia.

1. Aqua

Who misses Euro-pop dominating America's top 40 charts? (Unless you're the fat kid from the "Numa Numa" video, please, put your hand down.) Along with one-hit wonder behind "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" -- that's Eiffel 65, check your Now! CDs -- one of the mid-'90s chief offenders was Aqua, a Danish-Norwegian pop group responsible for "Barbie Girl." My beef with Aqua is admittedly personal: My roommate in college had this CD in her car for an extended period of time. Waterboard me, Liz. Put bamboo slivers under my nails, please, but don't make me listen to "My Oh My" again while we're stuck in traffic. Have mercy.

2. Creed

I'd be willing to argue that Creed never committed the types of crimes against humanity that Nickelback is guilty of. (After all, 1997 was a different time. Sort of.) Yes, "Arms Wide Open" still makes me want to curl into a fetal position and weep, and yes, it still plays itself in tinny, high-decibel sound inside my head as soon as anyone utters the song's title phrase. Still: Creed didn't mean to suck. Creed wasn't a band of heartless, soulless misogynistic fucks who got booed off their own stage in concert. We're sorry, Creed. Please, rest in peace - for America's sake.

3. 98 Degrees

Don't even fucking think about it, 98 Degrees. New Kids on the Block may be cashing in on a boy-band tour, but this does not give you license to raise "I Do (Cherish You)" from its grave among other shitty, syrupy late-'90s ballads. I don't care if Nick Lachey married Jessica Simpson. Nick, you're not famous. Sorry.

4. B*Witched

Does anyone remember B*Witched? Spice Girls spawned many girl-group imitations, including this Irish band, which hit one out of the ballpark with "C'est La Vie" in 1998. Poor B*Witched. It's not that they were terrible; it's that no one remembers them, anyway. Don't do it, B*Witched. It's just better to let some things go.

5. LFO

Since the death of the lead singer, Richard Cronin, last year, LFO has burbled back into everyone's consciousness from its former resting place in the dark depths of the late '90s. Hopefully, LFO doesn't pull a Sublime and recruit a new singer to take Cronin's place during a nationwide nostalgia tour. "Summer Girls" isn't worth it. Really. (When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet / Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets?)

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